06/03/2026
And how superbly 1987 is this? Right down to the "City of Crime" rap/rock music video, and not to mention the Satanic panic shade around P.A.G.A.N. or People Against Goodness And Normalcy.
America had spent the better part of the decade losing its collective mind over... Sataaaan! I just couldn't make that sound like Dana Carvey's Church Lady. Pretend it does, or pretend you know what I'm talking about.
See kiddies, back in the 80s, apparently we were all playing our Heavy Metal LPs backwards looking for secret messages from Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death. That seemed to get 6 o'clock coverage every slow news day.
It started in 1980 with Michelle Remembers, a book claiming recovered memories of childhood Satanic ritual abuse, and metastasized from there. In 1983, the McMartin preschool case had parents convinced that daycare workers were conducting blood rituals in secret tunnels.
The whole country was going to hell.
Procter & Gamble had to defend their 50+ year old logo against accusations it was a symbol of allegiance to the Dark Lord. The panic was everywhere - on talk shows, in courtrooms, from TV pulpits. And speaking of pulpits: Jim Bakker's televangelist empire had collapsed in scandal that very spring, exposing the kind of hypocrisy that made Christopher Plummer's secret devil-worshipping preacher feel positively relevant. Jessica Hahn, remember her? She's up there in the mistress hall of fame with Donna Rice and Marla Maples.
In fact, Hanks first lead role was in Mazes and Monsters, a 1982 TV movie where his character loses his mind from playing a D&D-style game, eventually believing he's his fantasy character and nearly jumping off the World Trade Center. It was Re**er Madness for the 12-sided-die set, based on sensationalised news stories about a missing college student that turned out to have nothing to do with gaming.
So all this to say, we kids were all worshiping satan in the 80s, and now just look at the state of the world. It's all our fault.
Anyway, rabbit hole. Satanic cults, alarmist TV preachers and conspiracies were everywhere. Let's move on.
While it was already becoming commonplace for movies to be adapted into TV shows, think MASH, Fame or 9 to 5 - but Dragnet was a relatively early Hollywood venture in translating a beloved classic TV series onto a slick, hip, feature flick. It's up there with Star Trek, Get Smart, The Muppets, Wanted Dead or Alive and Twilight Zone.
It's also another example of the 80s’ love of the 50s. As an entertaining and heartfelt love letter to a show that was an institution unto itself - and a piece of quality time-capsuling, this cool copper caper was well-worth the price of a rental.
Those are the facts. And just the facts. -Pop
