06/06/2025
We agree with the Chief!
🚨 Chief Small’s Friday Update 🚨
Citizens of Sanford.. gather ‘round. Today we honor greatness. No, not legendary cops like Frank Poncherello and Jon Baker. I’m talking about something far more powerful.
💇♂️ My hair.
This isn’t just a haircut, it’s a legacy. It’s the crown jewel of public safety. It’s so precise scissors ask permission to cut it. It shimmers with law and order and whispers secrets to anyone standing close by. It once made a suspect confess before I even asked a question. If my hair challenged Chuck Norris to a stare-down, Chuck would blink.
But I wasn’t always this majestic.
Let’s rewind to 8th grade. Picture this: me, Van Halen shirt, parachute pants and a rattail. That’s right. A single, skinny strand of rebellion dangling like a spaghetti noodle of poor judgment down the back of my neck. It swayed in the wind. It confused teachers.
But look at me now. The rattail may be gone, but the spirit of hair glory lives on, fully evolved, perfectly parted, and styled to perfection with hair cream made from unicorn oil and good dreams.
And yet… no amount of conditioner can protect your head like a helmet can. 🪖
🧠 In Maine, it’s the law: under 16? Helmet on when biking. Do it when skating, or rollerblading, too. Over 16? Be smart. Helmet hair might cramp your style, but a head injury is no joke.
So do what I do:
✨ Fluff it.
✨ Style it.
✨ Whisper sweet nothings to it.
✨ Then helmet it like your mom is watching.
Protect your brain, tip your stylist (I tell mine to wear a helmet), and never, ever, forget where you came from. Even if it’s a rattail with a side of cake.
Keep it shiny, Sanford.
Chief “Conditioned for Justice” Small 🚓💈🪮
