Honest Mama

11/20/2019

I’m too busy to judge you and your parenting skills... 😊

Lemme tell you why I will never judge your parenting:

I’m too damn busy.

I’m too busy making mistakes and praying my kids turn out alright anyway.

I’m too busy looking at my musty smelling laundry pile and wondering if I should fold it or light it all on fire.

I’m too busy teaching my kids good work ethics which means saying “stop playing and keep cleaning” over and over until everyone is crying.

I’m too busy yelling that everyone needs to STOP YELLING and then wondering if I will ever be able to stop yelling. It’s not really looking good for any of us.

I’m too busy letting my three-year-old use a pacifier and my six-year-old wear Cinderella underwear as a bathing suit.

I’m too busy trying not to fight with my husband in front of the kids even though sometimes we make each other crazy (ESPECIALLY IN THE CAR). I say trying, because last week my three-year-old asked me why daddy and I sometimes argue like little kids.

I’m too busy wondering if that wet spot is from water, juice, or urine.

I’m too busy trying to assess if that Pterodactyl scream was a “we’re having fun” scream or a “blood has been shed” scream.

I’m too busy making risky calls like should I let my son wear that shirt with spaghetti sauce on it to church, and do I tell my girls that it’s actually a “vagina” not a “bagina”, even though bagina is way more awesome?

I’m too damn busy apologizing to my kids. I’m apologizing for misunderstanding them, for getting grumpy, for bumping their head on a doorway, for not believing them that their tummy hurt until they projectile vomited, and for throwing away that ginormous popsicle stick art project they brought home from school.

I’m too busy apologizing FOR my kids, like, “sorry they ate all your snacks and asked you if there’s a baby in your belly”.

I’m too busy being overwhelmed by the fact that it’s already dinner time AGAIN and the food is still at the grocery store.

I’m too busy because this parenting gig is flying by at lightning speed and I’m hanging on for dear life, hoping that when it’s over they will look back and say "we were loved".

I’m not going to judge your parenting because IT’S HARD and YOU are the qualified one.

I’m not qualified because I don’t worry about your kids like you do. I don’t lie awake at night wrestling with decisions about schools, and friends, and behaviors, and obstacles in their precious lives. I don’t love them, ache for them, feed them, or say sorry to them like you do. I don’t know them. I don’t know their dreams or what makes them tick.

I’m eleven years in and I am now more certain than ever that there isn’t “one way” to do this well. I’m just trying to figure out how to parent my own kids and how many margaritas I can have without getting a hangover. Life is complicated.

If we can’t be real and share the struggle, then it just doesn’t work for me.

I’m a fan of all MOMS.

I’m too damn busy for anything else.

***

Follow Wonderoak by Jess Johnston for more real, raw, and funny.

11/09/2019

Another great one... ❤️

God: How do you think you’re doing at life?

Me: Well, I don’t know, I guess I’m doing okay. I’m on social media way too much, I can’t stand my screen time updates because it makes me feel like crap. I need to eat healthier. I start out in the morning eating really healthy and by 8:00 I eat like a freshmen in college. What’s up with that? I don’t really know. I love my family so much, but sometimes when I’m with them I’m more annoyed than loving. I hate that I’m that way. I think I need to burn down my closet because let’s face it, I’m never going to organize it. I spend too much money on coffee and t-shirts. I think I’m a little selfish, but I also am not great at self care…is that a thing? I don’t know. I feel like I should be a bit further in life than I am. Also, God, I suck at budgeting. Like I really suck at it. Did you forget that brain cell in there? Just wondering. I’m not wanting to “blame” you, but maybe we could like share the blame.

God: You want to know what I see?

Me: Sure.

God: I saw that when your daughter was calling from her room last night. She’d just thrown a fit so you were still annoyed, but you got up anyway. I saw that you laid with her and kissed her head. I saw you buy something for a friend just because. I saw you watch an adoption video and cry your eyes out, then you spent a few minutes praying for those kids. I saw you go above and beyond to be kind to someone that hasn’t been nice to you. I saw that. I saw you doing laundry so your kids and husband would have clothes in the morning, even though that was the last thing you wanted to do. I saw you staring into your fridge without a glimmer of inspiration and somehow making a meal for your family anyway. I saw you sit down with your girls and read books even though you felt like you had a thousand other pressing things on your plate. I saw you put some money in a homeless man’s cup wishing it was more. I saw that. I saw you praying fiercely for your kids, husband, and friends, as you fall asleep at night.

Me:…

God: I see someone who’s beautiful inside and out.

Me: Are you sure? Because I also should have mentioned I get grumpy when the kids keep asking for snacks. Also it drives my husband crazy when I steal his socks, but I do it anyway.

God: I’m sure.

***

Follow Wonderoak by Jess Johnston for more real, raw, and funny.

10/30/2019

Anyone else feel like this mom was in their head?

God: How do you think you’re doing as a mom?

Mom: Well I don’t play with my kids as much as I should. I get grumpy. Yesterday they ate pizza for the second time this week. I don’t really like cooking together or crafts, but I wish I did. Sometimes I do it anyway, but mostly I’m just trying not to get annoyed. My house is like one giant clothes and crumb explosion. I really should have them keep their rooms cleaner, but sometimes I just don’t want to pick another battle. I’m not really sure when the last time my second son bathed was. That’s probably not good. Yesterday I snapped over a cliff bar wrapper that no one was cleaning up. Sometimes I worry because they bicker a lot, like is that my fault? Did I do something wrong? At night I’m so tired I fall into the couch and watch shows and eat snacks until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. When I lay in bed I find myself wondering if they all are brushing their teeth well enough. I’m too hard on the oldest and too lenient with the youngest. I love our dinnertime discussions and I just can’t get enough of their laughs and the way they tell stories. Sometimes when they’re talking though I’m not really listening I’m worrying about something completely different, I think they can tell. I wonder all the time if I’m doing a good job and if they know how much I love them.

God: Do you love them?

Mom: With my whole entire heart.

God: You sound wonderful.

***

Follow Wonderoak for more real, raw, and funny.

10/16/2019

❤️❤️❤️

“I'm now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife, Franziska, who carried and birthed them all like a pro. Here's what I would tell my childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the ‘becoming parents’ phase:

1. Wifey carried baby IN her belly for 9 months. So, you carry baby ON your belly for 9 months every chance you get. Not only does it help her recover but it bonds you to your kid more than imaginable.

2. Wifey is breastfeeding and--while beautiful and fulfilling for her--it's exhausting. So, you change EVERY diaper you can. From diaper #1 onward. You will get over the grossness fast. And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship; in fact, when all your wife's friends are complaining about how absent and unsupportive their husbands are, your wife will be bragging about you.

3. Make her the decaf coffee every morning. Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings because she falls back asleep while you're working or (later) taking the kids to school. She was up all night feeding the baby so help start her day in a way that helps her reset.

4. Tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling most self-critical and hopeless about her body. Remind her of times when she achieved goals in the past. Remind her she is a superhero. She literally just moved all her organs around and gained 20 + pounds to give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life. Help her see past her body image issues and stay focused on a positive goal, one day at a time.

5. Take the heat. Hormones are crazy, both pre and post birth. She won't seem like herself every day and sometimes she will say things she wouldn't say if she didn't feel like she was hungover, caffeinated, and on steroids every day. Remember your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends. Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together when she wasn't, not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours.”

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Credit: Ted Gonder

09/14/2019

Omg could NOT be more true! 😂 Or, mommy and me at baseball practice.

09/06/2019

08/23/2019

Pretty much!

06/20/2019

I seriously don’t know what to do with this kid...

06/13/2019

My kids are weird...it’s like pulling teeth to get them to do schoolwork when they have to. Now it’s summer and they’re sitting and doing an entire Brain Quest book...for fun. What the heck?!