10/30/2024
Sleep was notvthe problem yesterday, the waking up was the crushing issues that haunt me for in that moment of waking up still in the in between stage I call your name expecting you to answer, then I remember you are not with me and I am not in ourhouse or in our bed I am on our futon where we slept many a night and where we held each other though countless talkes and plan making. One of the things I really miss is how we talked about everything, everyday I could see our future we both could and now that future will never happen. I look into the future now and all I see is darkness without you in my life. To say I love and miss you doesn't even begin to touch on how I feel. Everything I do I look for you for 10 years we did everything together and now I carry a little piece on you with me everywhere I go but it is not the same. Nothing ever will be the same again and I can't do anything to make it different I would give my own life to have you back for just one day. To hold you, to kiss you, to run my fingers through your hair to hear you say I love you and everything is going to be ok. Thank you for loving me Lucas W Phillips and for allowing me to love you. I will love you forever and ever.