03/09/2020
Starting seeds now.... 🤣🤣🤣 🚽
The toilet paper shortage crisis is upon us, and desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are you concerned you may need to start using leaves if Woolies doesn't re-stock their shelves with your favourite 3-ply soon? 😱
No need to worry - we've compiled a list of common plants with leaves that will do the job perfectly so you can wipe with confidence and ease.
Most of these plants grow in the community medicinal herb garden in Cockatoo, so come down and grab a handful of greenery if you find yourself caught short!
1. Mullein (Verbascum thapsis)
Mullein is the most obvious choice of bog roll replacement, given its large, thick fluffy leaves that are absorbent and dont tear easily. It's better than those fancy quadruple-ply aloe- infused toilet papers but grows easily as a w**d in gardens and parks almost everywhere. Some people find the hairs on the leaves a bit irritating to their skin, so it's probably a good idea to do a patch test on a not-so-sensitive area first.
2. Lamb's ear (Stachys byzantina)
For those who would like a slightly less heavy-duty option, lamb's ear may be a good choice. Lamb's ear has delightfully soft furry leaves that are gentle on your skin and will feel like you're wiping with, umm, well, the ear of a baby animal (without harming any furry creatures!). Its leaves are on the narrow side, so you may need to use a decent handful or two.
3. Mallow (Malva neglecta)
Common mallow has soft leaves that are broad, durable and won't tear, but the larger ones tend to get a bit leathery and rough so opt for medium sized leaves. Mallow has the added bonus of demulcent qualities, so give the leaves a bit of a scrunch before using for some added skin soothing effects.
‼️Always remember these things when selecting your leaves:
😫 Steer clear of poisonous plants or you may end up with a nasty rash on your posterior. If you're not 100% sure what a particular plant is, don't put it anywhere near your sensitive bits. If you'd like to learn how to ID these plants and other medicinal and edible w**ds, come along to one of our w**d walks.
🌵Stay away from plants with thorns, prickles or spiky bits for obvious reasons. Stinging nettle, St Mary's Thistle, comfrey and aloe vera are all poor choices.
🕷️Check for any critters before you wipe🐜
🚽Please don't flush used leaves down the toilet (unless you have a composting toilet). Instead, pretend you're camping and dig a hole at the bottom of your garden and bury them well.
🌿Happy wiping!🌿