09/12/2020
When he walked into the room it was obvious to her he was in some pain, though she could see no visible wounds. His eyes showed no sign of it. They shined bright like a calm autumn sky. It was his movements. They were cautious and slightly awkward and betrayed him immediately. She could even detect a slight groan as he leaned against the large post in the center of the room.
She became aware again of the smell of age in the building. The musty smell of an ancient place. The feeling of the many souls that had come and gone from here. There was of course the feeling of it as well. She leaned on the counter and looked at him, but really past him. Seeing the age and decay, the beauty of what was and what still is.
So deep into this feeling she was it startled her a little when he spoke. “You know she was never real don't you?”, he said with his calm gaze fixed on her. Calmer than she had seen him in a very long time, perhaps ever.
“That is, she could never really be here unless you were also here. Or here enough”, his voice was deceiving. His face was a man in his late 40's but his voice was much younger. Almost new.
Her eyes flashed with rage that faded to anger. “F**k her and f**k you too.”, she snapped. “Neither of you are real. She was a trap here to take what's mine! To finish me, stop me from...”, she trailed off when he interrupted.
“Don't be stupid! You know better than I do that's not true.” He said calmly as he stepped out of his body. Taking two steps forward and to the right he looked back to watch his body fall forward, reveling the devastation down its back. It landed with a sickening thump on the old wood floor facing away from them. The echo gave the illusion it was far heavier than it really was.
There were open wounds scattered around it's back. The spine was visible from neck to tailbone. Up and down the spine were what looked like stands of burnt wire. Burned and broken, many of them oozed a light golden liquid that disappeared before it touched the floor. In the other wounds were what appeared to be porcupine quills. Black and tumorous they twitched slightly.
“That”, he said quietly,”Is a f**king disaster and I think the blame falls on you both.” “But the idea that she was here to trap you is stupid. If she was really afraid you'd over take her she'd have never come at all. You would never have found the way to her without someone to guide you in the right direction.”
He moved slightly closer but stayed safely away from her. She could just make out several tiny silver threads connecting him to the body, and one small golden thread from him to her. Though it seemed to disappear just in front of her. Flecks of silver, red and gold moved through him in a slow and chaotic manner.
“She didn't have a choice”, the woman said. Her blue eyes filled with fire. “She had to give the appearance that she was trying to help to save face.”
“No Namm, she didn't. She lost more trying to help you than she could ever gain back.”, his tone was disappointed. Her face flashed surprise at being called Namm. This was not a name she expected him to know.
“It's easy to see why you'd think that way though. Easy to see why you think she is far weaker than she really is.”, As he said this a small cough erupted from him. From that a cloud of black dust floated beside him.
“She was never here because she never intended to be here. She was never real because she never intended to be real”, he pointed at the cloud. A tiny, almost imperceivable light flashed. It moved slowly towards the center of the cloud appearing like a shooting star in the night sky. Only this moved very slowly and came to a stop at the center of the cloud.
“How do you fit the Sun in a grain of sand Namm? And if you could would that grain of sand ever be the same? Even if you removed the Sun?, He shifted slightly away from the still suspended cloud.
“They say 'God'”, He made quotation marks with his fingers. “Is in all things. But is all of God in all things? If I pick up a stone, or a flower, or a handful of rice... Is this the totality of God? Can I infer the nature of this Gods realm from flowers and rice?”, He laughed. “Of course not. There is just enough God in a grain of sand for it to be sand. Just enough in rice to be rice.” , he gestured toward the cloud, “And just enough of her to be a light in the dark. Enough to offer some hope and a direction.”
“Bullsh*t!”, she barked. “Now you're trying to fool me into the same trap she was. Trying to limit me, keep me from reaching myself. I will not be capped! And why do you keep calling me Namm, Goddamnit?!”
At this he gestured weakly at the golden strand between them. It had grown slightly and she could just make out what appears to be a twisting motion. Almost like a very tiny golden whirlpool leading from him to her.
“Because we are the sea Namm.” His eyes, still calm, dimmed slightly. “We are the birth place of the material from the ethereal. That you think I of all people would want to limit you is ridiculous. I have no body left, no form, nothing. Soon I will be nothing but a part of you. Limiting you would be limiting myself.”
The body to his left began to shiver and cough. Thousands of tiny flies and spiders flew forth with each cough. Every breath sounded like a gale force wind, each cough was like trees breaking in a storm. She could feel the cold from across the room. Feel the the memory of masts on a tall ship breaking apart in the dark. It was terror. Sure death.
The wires and quills in it's back burst into blue flames and began to melt away. The muscle and sinew beneath the broken flesh began to twitch. She watched with some amusement as the blue flames slowly engulfed it's entire body. As they crossed it's back the open wounds began to close. If she listened closely she could almost hear the humming of an old woman doing her work. With that her feeling of terror melted away. Replaced by an overwhelming calm, serenity and pure love.
In that moment she felt the thread between he and her. It reached her between the navel and p***c bone. A familiar warmth bloomed in her belly and brought more feelings of love.
“Is that you?”, she asked looking down at the thread. “Is that you... actually?”
“Yeah”, he replied weakly. “That's me, or it is for now. There won't be a 'Me' for much longer. No body, no shell, no me. It'll be us or... you really, if you let it. Otherwise there won't be either of us. I'll be gone now, you in a few years. They'll only be...” He pointed at the body on the floor, then at her.
“You were given a moment to find what's missing. The ingredients you need to complete the process”, his voice strained slightly. There was some gravel, age perhaps. “You were offered drink and food and a fire to warm yourself. But this was never meant to be your home. Only to rest for a moment before you reach the summit.”
He stepped towards her slowly. She could see that his form was less defined and his eyes were no longer sharp. The golden thread between them was spinning furiously and she could feel a slight swelling in her belly. The warmth from before had become a raw heat, painful but oddly pleasant. When she looked for the silver threads connecting him to the body she discovered there was only one left. It had thinned and dimmed considerably. Now less than the size of a spiderweb.
“You can meet her at the top you know.”, he whispered looking down at his sexless crotch. “Ha, look at that. Souls really are genderless.”
A loud note filled the air. The bass of a dark dubstep beat. Wub wub wub werrrr. She watched as his form vibrated to the sound, matching it's variation perfectly. It was like a speaker had been placed inside of him and his soul was water, rippling with the beat.
“I love you”, he choked. “I'm giving you this regardless of what you choose to do.” She could hear the strain in his voice. “Where you go, I go. If you fail, I fail. But if you succeed... It'll be amazing and beautiful. I want to be a part of that.... I want to be a part of you...regardless.”
His form imploded into itself leaving a small golden ball floating in front of her. She could feel that he, or he as an entity, was gone. The thread that connected them suddenly stopped spinning. She turned her attention to the body on the floor. It moved slowly onto it's back and began laughing quietly. Each laugh caused a small spasm of coughing.
“Oh f**k”, it choked out. “I think my clothes are too tight”, it chuckled.
“Easy there lil fella.”, it spoke, reaching it's hand towards what remained of him. “Lets not get ahead of ourselves. You aren't exactly free to just give that away.” It spoke, clearly this time.
Namm could feel a familiar presence. More strongly than the last time she'd felt it, this was the embrace of pure love. At the same time, she was overcome with anger and fear. Why, why now and why come at all?!
The golden ball drifted slowly to the bodies outstretched hand. Once it landed the body spoke again. “We have a lot to discuss....”
