03/02/2023
I have been struggling with worship lately
This is good
I left home this afternoon headed to the gym.
By the time I got there, I decided I needed a date with Jesus more than I needed the gym.
So, I drove to my spot on the lake, sat on the rocks, and spilled my guts.
The last month has been draining. Physically, spiritually, emotionally.
As I opened my mouth, the first part of word vomit went something like this:
“I don’t know exactly why I’m here. Or what I’m looking for. The enemy has been whispering lies in my ear, but he’s went so sneaky about it that I can’t even tell you what those lies are. My attitude and the funk I’m in, shows me that somewhere along the way, I let my guard down and started believing whatever crap he was whispering to me. Even still, I don’t know how to put all the emotions into words and describe my ‘funk’… all I know is it’s not you.
The joy isn’t radiating through me.
The peace isn’t drowning me.
I mean, this past week, I haven’t even liked the person I am.
Short tempered, stubborn, negative, and sometimes just gross.”
Then, something nudged in my spirit and I was corrected…..
“You don’t like who you are BEING. You love who you ARE. I made you that way.”
As I sat there, pouring my guts out to every wave that crashed on the rocks, I still felt like I was talking to a God who was going to scold me for being the flakiest of the flock. But my spirit KNEW I was talking to grace and mercy. I KNEW he wasn’t scolding me, he was just appreciative of the fact I showed up.
I left saying: “Lord, I need you to give me something.”
Not two minutes after leaving my lake side spot, I was stopped at a red light.
A lady approached my car window with a small basket. I rolled down the window, assuming she was going to ask for change (shame on me).
She sticks her basket in my car and says, “Hey hun, I’m handing out rocks for God.”
… rocks for God. Are you kidding me.
I smiled, grabbed a rock and drive off.
I called a friend to tattle on Jesus. She laughed as I told her how baffled I was at the fact that I poured my guts out to him and begged him for something… anything … and HE. SENT. ME. A. ROCK!!!
A. ROCK.
Then in the kindest Brit-Get-Your-Crap-Together-Voice, she said: “Maybe he was reminding you that whether you’re worshipping him or not… the rocks are.”
And just like that, I was slapped in the face with this reminder:
The King of the Universe. The King of my heart. He doesn’t need me. He. Wants. Me.
♥️♥️♥️
“He answered, “I tell you, if they were to keep silent, the stones would cry out.””
Luke 19:40
