09/08/2024
It's a twisted game, understanding that we're all a bit narcissistic. A survival trick. Necessary and essential like air.
We slap labels like 'needy' and 'clingy' on those sad souls who dare love us more than they love themselves. It's a sick joke, really. Because the raw truth is, we're junkies for narcissists. Drawn to them wildly, like flies, knowing damn well they don't care for us.
I've ruled over women with the iron fist of indifference. Never have I wielded more power than when I couldn't give less of a s**t. The scars I've left when I was too self-absorbed to bother with feelings, that's the real trophy on my mantle of regrets. My inner voice, a total co******er in a leather jacket, says, "Nobody takes care of The Big Numero Uno like you do, champ." And he's right. Self-preservation is a lonely art.
But then, there's that other whisper, the one that's like swallowing glass. It murmurs, "It’s bigger than your ego, bubba. Remember, you’ve got to live with yourself after the curtain falls." That's the hardest pill to swallow.
Yes, our narcissism fuels us, it fires up the engines on those cold mornings in a world that can’t be trusted to hold us when we fall. It’s the shield and sword in the relentless battle of existence, the defiant guardian that ensures we march on.
Yet, in that defiant march, there's a shadow that trails us, the cost of our self-centered armor. The wounds we inflict with our cold indifference echo back to us in the quiet moments, the nights spent staring at ceilings, contemplating the might-have-beens.
So here we stand, clutching both truths in our hands, the weight of them bending us. Our challenge is not to discard one for the other but to weave them together, crafting a version of ourselves that can fiercely love the person in the mirror while embracing the flawed, needy, and utterly human souls around us.
This balance isn't found but fought for. Choosing when to assert ourselves and when to step back, when to fight for our needs, and when to meet the needs of others. It's a high-wire act, a perpetual dance, teetering on the blade's edge of human complexity, and perhaps, the essence of what it means to be profoundly human.