God Heals Hearts

God Heals Hearts 0nly God can HEAL a broken heart...but it IS possible for us to be a support for others while they heal...a bandage to keep them from falling apart.

11/07/2024

This is Lynn....I have been overwhelmed by all of the Birthday greetings and messages. Thank you for taking time to "bless my heart and soul" with your thoughts. I love each of you.🎁🌹💝💕💕🙏🎁

Today, November 5th, is Lynn's BIRTHDAY. If you know this gal...you love her. Lynn was 10 years old when we met...marrie...
11/05/2024

Today, November 5th, is Lynn's BIRTHDAY. If you know this gal...you love her. Lynn was 10 years old when we met...married at 18 years of age....and life is STILL an adventure after 56 years of marriage. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNNIE...LOVE YOU.

10/31/2024

“A MOURNING MOMENT”



“Common ground”…we can take it for granted. Being around a family structure provided “common ground” for our family. We had foods in common, activities and schedules in common, friends and common, holiday rituals in common…we shared “common ground” with family. We were comfortable with our “common ground”.



After leaving home and entering the work force, or furthering our education, things can change. We will meet people who were raised differently, some with different values in life, some with stricter family rules and expectations, some with no expectations. That can be a shocking awareness.



It is quite natural to meet a stranger and begin a conversation to cover several aspects of life…trying to find “common ground” on which we can agree. Through these times of finding “common ground” we begin a relationship that can grow stronger over time.



What “common ground” did you have with your loved one who died? What common interests did you discover? Were there areas you both enjoyed that reinforced your interests? The things that are shared become “common ground”, something enjoyed, something that ties the bond even tighter.



Grief support groups can have some “common ground”. There are typical emotions and feelings of grief that are common for some people. There can be life and family issues since the death that form “common ground” for understanding. If we are looking for “common ground” in which to support each other, we can find it. Some people are ready to seek “common ground” with other grievers…some are not. That is OK…it is “common” to be different.



Bob Willis

10/30/2024

“A MOURNING MOMENT”
KEEP YOUR SUITCASE PACKED
(This account of a daughter being the caregiver for her ailing mother is significant because of the truth it contains. She shared it with me over 20 years ago.)

My Mama was getting tired. She had been sick for a long time, confined to a bed for months. She was ready to go. I wasn’t as ready, but Mama was ready to go see Jesus.

I crawled up in the bed with Mama, held her like she had hugged her little girl so many years before. I could feel her shallow breathing, and it was as if I could detect each bone in her frail body.

“Mama, I am not ready for you to go,” I quietly said.

“I know, baby doll, but I’m ready,” said Mama. “The Lord is ready for me, real soon.”

“But Mama, I want to go with you,” I said, as I gazed into her eyes.

“Honey, you can’t go with me; it’s my turn to go, not your turn yet,” Mama said. “But keep your suitcase packed; you will come to see me again when it’s your time. Just keep your suitcase packed.”

Those words from Mama have stuck with me over the years. Yes, I still miss her; I still shed tears when I miss her, and I still laugh aloud when I remember some of the things she did. But, the most valuable truth Mama taught me was to keep my suitcase packed. I’ll see Mama again someday in Heaven; I just don’t know when that will be. But when the Lord comes for me, He will find me waiting … with my suitcase packed. -A Caregiving Daughter

How can we keep our suitcase packed? Look for ways to honor the memory of our loved one with words and actions. Recall a quality in their personality that you can adopt and make it "part of you". By doing this, they will continue to live through you.


Bob Willis

10/29/2024

"A MOURNING MOMENT"

I've always been a "doodler". While talking on the phone, my hands are busy sketching, writing, or just making designs with no meaning. It's probably just a nervous habit...but like a lot of habits...I'm sticking to it. A clean sheet of paper and pencil seems to be an invitation to express something.

A central part of my grief work involves writing a letter to the person who died. This same method is also helpful to organize thoughts and feelings while a person is still alive. It helps to put thoughts into words, especially grief expressions.

But a blank page can be intimidating to most people. When asked to write a letter, the question may be..."How do I begin?" or "What do I say that will help?". In order to lower the anxiety and provide some guidance to begin the writing process, I find it helpful to use "prompts". A "prompt" in writing is what motivates or compels the expression of feelings. Some say it is an emotional nudge to get started with a process.

For instance, if you could express yourself to someone, whether they have died or still alive...consider these "prompts" to express feelings:
* "I want to thank you for..."
* "I forgive you for..."
* "I apologize to you for..."
* "I will always remember..."
* "I will never forget..."
* "I always wanted to tell you..."
* "I would like to have heard you say..."

Consider using these prompts to put words to your grief. They do not describe your feelings, only you can do that. But they can provide a helpful outline. Repeat this exercise as often as needed. Consider making it part of your personality to express feelings while there is time.

Bob Willis

10/28/2024

"A MOURNING MOMENT"

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" -Maya Angelou

This quote by Maya Angelou was meant to reinforce the truth it matters how we make people feel through words or actions. Do you remember someone who made you feel special and appreciated?

Some grievers may not agree with this quote. I can easily change some wording that speaks absolute truth following a loss. "Grievers will NOT forget what you said, grievers will NOT forget what you did, but grievers WILL never forget how you made them feel." When well-meaning people say hurtful things, it stings to the heart. Often, we are in shock and do not know what to say when insensitive words are spoken. But we do not forget the words that hurt.

Do you remember what someone did that hurt? Even when grievers are numb from a loss, it is possible to have feelings hurt through insensitive actions or words. Feeling left out, overlooked, or disregarded can add pain to the grief journey.

How others made us feel during the grief journey can vary from overwhelming kindness and support to feeling completely helpless and vulnerable. We remember both extremes and everything between.

We have an option. Because of the grief we have endured, we know what helped and what hurt. Grievers know what to say and what to do to help others dealing with a loss. Grievers know the value of actions that will encourage and support others during a time of loss. We can decide to allow the hurtful words and actions of others to make us BITTER or BETTER. A desire to honor the memory of our loved one should compel us to seek those things that will create a better relationship with others.

Bob Wilis

10/27/2024

"A MOURNING MOMENT"

"It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change" -Charles Darwin

Have you noticed someone who seems to be "doing so well" after a loss? We usually notice these people because it seems they are handling their grief better than others. But what is the difference? Is it because they are emotionally or physically stronger than others? Would their intelligence have anything to do with their response to grief?

The opening quote by Darwin rules out strength or intelligence as the key to coping with loss. But he suggests the ability to manage change is the element that makes a difference.

We grieve changes in life. Some changes are forced upon us, some changes come from personal choices. From the first moment of grief there are changes in focus and concentration. Shock can be overwhelming, so the ability to reason and think will be greatly impacted.

Eating and sleeping patterns may change. The idea of food may not sound good, or perhaps the smell of food is a big negative. Sleeping patterns will change. Grief can produce a level of exhaustion that sleep will not eliminate. A pattern of snacking instead of eating may develop. It is also common to develop a pattern of taking naps during the day instead of getting a good night of sleep.

Caregivers for loved ones are already familiar with these changes. Caregivers snack when they can and nap when they can. Changes have already become part of daily routines for caregivers.

Managing change after a loss will require concentration. When faced with change, it may be helpful to make a list of options available. Consider the outcome of each option and select the most practical one. It may also be helpful to talk with a trusted friend, discuss the changes and decisions you are facing. The final choice will be up to you.

Bob Willis

10/26/2024

"A MOURNING MOMENT"

"Don't you dare shrink yourself for someone else's comfort. Do not become small for people who refuse to grow" -Marina V

"Be true to yourself"...I have always heard it is important to recognize and understand your own beliefs. Then stand by them. Someone who is uncertain about life can be hesitant to take stands. It may be a matter of self-confidence and security. Often, we receive this type of security and self-confidence from others. It seems easier to believe in ourselves if we are assured others also believe in us. It takes growth and maturity to reach these decisions. But unless we believe in ourselves, we will be vulnerable to the wishes of others around us.

I see this in the grief journey also. Some family members and friends may not be comfortable hearing stories and memories of someone who died. Because they are uncomfortable with this, they may even shame or scold those who need to express their grief openly.

It is not our job to suppress our feelings and emotions to make someone else comfortable with their grief. Sharing memories, telling stories, and remembering the lasting impact a loved one had upon our life is a healthy way to mourn. Do not let others discourage you from sharing. The appropriate thing to do is locate a safe person who will allow sharing and talking about these memories. Absolutely there may be tears...perhaps even laughter. But the option for grief is to hold it in or let it out. It is healthier to let it out through words or actions. Share stories, show photographs, and honor the valuable life that was lived. It is called mourning.

Remember, grief is on the inside. It is personal, private, and different for everyone. Mourning is when grief is expressed outwardly. Look for opportunities to express grief...mourn...for your sake.

Bob Willis

10/25/2024

"A MOURNING MOMENT"

At the end of a day, when you prepare to sleep...consider this truth. Look back over your day, consider the things done and those left unfinished. There will be positives and negatives throughout the day. Perhaps it was a mixture of smiles and laughter or frowns and tears. But there needs to be the realization that we just traded a day in our life for "something". That "something" might have been emotional, or it may have been just going through the motions of living without a heart.

After a loss, it is common to spend the day in a fog, a daze, just going along as required in order to end the day. At some point the words of a song, or the subject of conversation may produce emotions because of the loss we experienced. Since we lost the physical relationship when a loved one died, their presence remains active emotionally and spiritually. To be as close as we desire to be, we do not need to make a trip to the cemetery. We can "go to memories" and get emotionally close to them any time. This closeness can bring tears or laughter...but definitely a connection to memories.

Looking back over a day for the griever may identify times of loneliness and emptiness. The depth of pain may not have words to describe the intensity. It is possible to hide this pain behind a mask...occasionally. When we hide these feelings, it leads others to form the opinion that "we are doing so well". They cannot always see past the mask. We may only let a trusted few see that side of grief. It is private, personal, and painful.

It is possible to look for opportunities during the day to compliment and encourage others. Look for the store clerk or waitress who needs a word of encouragement and support. Not only will it bless them, but you may find it takes focus off grief...only for a minute.

Since we trade days for "something" it will be helpful to intentionally use words or actions to make someone else smile. It may be a fair trade that becomes a habit.

Bob Willis

10/24/2024

"A MOURNING MOMENT"

Recently a friend gave me a unique gift. It was a backpack with a portion that was an insulated cooler, and the other compartment contained picnic supplies. A very handy and thoughtful gift. It has already been put to use, a valuable backpack.

It crossed my mind what a "GRIEF BACKPACK" could contain. There can be some helpful items placed into a grief backpack, things that may soften the painful journey of grief.

* PEACE. It would be wonderful to pack a day's supply of PEACE to carry with us. Just knowing it was available could lower anxiety. Personally, I find my peace in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the foundation of PEACE I try to build my life upon. Some find their peace in nature, music, art, and other faith systems. One of the first items to "pack" is our own personal element of PEACE.

* PAST. Think of placing items into your grief backpack that belonged to your loved one who died. There may be items they cherished and desired to pass to family members. Imagine a mental shadow box to capture special memories of a loved one. What would some of their shadow box items be? These items can provide confirmation a loved one lived...loved...and touched the lives of others. Shadow boxes can hold a legacy.

* POTENTIAL. Look for ways to blend memories into a lifestyle. Find creative ways to honor memories, continue to celebrate their birthdate as a reminder they lived and made a difference in lives. Many find a special item to wear or incorporate into their wardrobe as a way of having a presence with them everywhere.

By thinking in terms of a "grief backpack", and what it might contain, there is less chance of being overwhelmed by memories. When our effort is looking forward to honoring a life, it is more difficult to be caught off guard with hurtful memories. Remember, either we control our grief or our grief controls us.

Bob Willis

10/23/2024

"A MOURNING MOMENT"

"Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind" -David G. Allen

When I first read this quote, I realized we often lose patience when things do not go according to our plan. If we have a schedule to keep, we may lose patience when things conflict with our schedule. When we are working with a deadline or timeframe, it seems no one else is concerned about...it can test our patience.

Unfortunately, many areas of business and society takes on the "hurry up and wait" approach. This is especially true in healthcare through doctor appointments and visits. It is always wise to take along some reading material because we are usually faced with time to "wait patiently".

Grievers lose patience very easily. When nothing seems to be going our way in life...it may seem everything is going against us. Car trouble, home repairs, financial pressures, family conflicts and many other areas can test the patience of anyone. We may find ourselves being snipy or short with friends or family. The slightest little thing may be the last straw, and emotions get out of control. Paperwork on top of paperwork, deadlines fast approaching and no cooperation from others...all of these can test our patience.

There is a small key word in the quote above. It will help if we focus on this truth that may be hidden to some. "Patience is the calm acceptance that things "CAN" happen in a different order than the one you have in mind."
Key word? "CAN". Our patience can improve when we realize there is a real possibility things "CAN" be different than we planned. Being patient may involve giving up control and realizing there just might be another way for things to happen.

Bob Willis

Books arrived. "What Now?"...a guide for the grief journey. $15 each (any quantity) INCLUDES shipping. Contains "tools" ...
10/22/2024

Books arrived. "What Now?"...a guide for the grief journey. $15 each (any quantity) INCLUDES shipping. Contains "tools" used in grief support groups since 1995.

PayPal account is [email protected]; Venmo is -Willis (6925). Private message me to send a check, or to process credit cards.

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