05/07/2026
If you’re a small business owner you probably know what I’m looking at. 👀
Nothing prepares you for the absolute dopamine hit of seeing someone actively in your shop.
Like omg hi?? Welcome?? I would love to hug you! Please touch everything with your eyeballs. 😘
But when that little “active cart” number pops up?
I become a full-blown casino degenerate staring at a slot machine. Cigarette ash longer than my patience 😜
Refreshing analytics.
Watching the checkout funnel.
Whispering “come on baby, mama needs a fresh supply of Huggies” to my phone like it owes me money.
One minute I’m a handmade artist.
The next I’m emotionally invested in a stranger deciding whether or not they need a vulgar teacup at 11:42pm.
PLEASE. JUST HIT CHECKOUT.
I’m pacing the kitchen like it’s the final seconds at Churchill Downs.
Loveyouf**koff,
Caitlin
VULGARTEACUPS.COM
