Brigs Story

05/20/2025

The list of inappropriate things that have been done to me by men in my life BEFORE I was 17 is so long and full of names...how do you speak the truth without hurting those close to you because they have an image of one of them (or several) that is not tarnished by the evil side you got to see?

05/04/2025

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1Afov917vk/

04/24/2025

Anyone else's father throw their mother out the door and off the porch into the snow, while tripping balls, accusing her of cheating and tell her to never come back? No? Go figure...

04/24/2025

04/15/2025

Story time...
Four years old, not in school yet. Sharing a bunkbed in a trailer. Sister fell off one night and never even woke up. Even though she was younger, she insisted on sleeping on the top bunk.
It was the back bedroom in the main part of the "house". Walk from there down the hall to the bathroom on the right. Across from the bathroom was the door to the parents room (actually used to be one of the doors to the outside but a full length addition was added to the two bedroom trailer). I can still vividly see that window in that door, you know the ones that you cranked open and it tilted out in two places and was rough and tinted this weird orange so you had a semblance of privacy.
We rarely had a sitter as most often my parents hosted the party. But one of those rare occasions where we did have a sitter is the night my world was shaped.
Needed to go p*e. Weird noises from the parents bedroom. Window was cracked so I could see the TV in there. Naked people on the TV making all sorts of moaning noises. Step away from the door and the floor creaked. He opened the door and had me come in the room. He placed my hands on his crotch and showed me how to touch it. "Let's do what they are doing." Pointing to the TV. I will spare the details, as some things don't need to be recounted. "It will be our special secret."
4 years later at my grandparents and I caught him in a spot where no one else was around. "It's still our secret." the words I spoke to him. "I haven't told anyone. And I won't. " He just said "Good." And went about his business.
It's not like I wasn't faced with this person on a regular basis in those in-between years. His mom and sister babysat me quite often. And he worked on the farm when it was still active. Even throwing hay when needed.

04/15/2025

You know that some people keep secrets forever. And some can't keep a secret for 2 minutes.
Some secrets are meant to be kept and others should see the light of day immediately. Unfortunately, usually the ones that shouldn't be kept are the ones that are hidden in very dark corners, far from the public.

04/11/2025

Whats your earliest childhood memory? For me the first vision that pops in my head is seeing my dad physically throwing my mom off the porch of our trailer into the snow when he decided to throw her out of the house. And so began the downward spiral of their parenting to us as a split family.
The scientists will tell you that we block out the details of the worst parts of our lives. Well I can tell you that my brain has blocked out a lot of the details after such traumas. I can say I remember mom trying to pick us up at school and it being an issue. I can remember visiting mom at Grams house where she stayed for a while after the split. I do remember that dad was given custody of us. I do remember moving in to Gram and Gramps across the road. I don't remember a lot of happy times during those early years.
See, drugs were a connection between my parents AND their friends. Years later, I can tell you that those Saturday night pizza parties were fueled by alcohol, shrooms, ma*****na, cocaine...probably acid and who knows what else. I never felt as if I was in danger, it was the weekly party with the parents friends. Looking back, probably not the best situations to be in but I lived just fine. The only real issue I ever can pinpoint to this particular lifestyle that was when dad threw mom out. See he was on mushrooms and decided that my mom was cheating.

04/02/2025

I sit back and think about the life I have lived and the life I am living. Regrets, happiness, sadness, survival, perseverance, defeat...but never give up. You see I am not perfect but I definitely have not let my traumas lead me to be bitter or a piece of s**t, a drunk, an addict...I guess that all of life's s**t it has handed to me keeps me the empath, the listener, the healer, the mother...
You see, when I was 4 I was sexually assaulted. When I was 5, my world was turned upside down because of the toxic, abusive relationship between my parents. When I was 10, I pi**ed off my father and was kicked out. This was also the year my brother came in to the world. At 14 another sibling. Hormones, changes...at 16 moving in with a 36 year old. At 16 an abortion. At 17 marriage...
But I don't seek pity. I don't seek answers. I can neither justify or condemn the actions of others, that is for other powers to do.
I hope through this page to give others the power to heal themselves, tell their stories and give a place of no judgement.

03/29/2025

Let's talk about the things I remember from being 4-5...pizza parties every weekend. Mom would make so many pizzas, from scratch, and the frinds would show up. There was always a crowd at that trailer, sometimes a bonfire in the field and the occasional trip through the fire in the One Ton. I consider a lot of those people "family" to this day.
I remember Jaggers being passed out on the couch, pi***ng himself.
I remember blow darts and a rat darted to the floor.
I remember the gardens in the lower field at Gram and Gramps. Mom always planting, cooking, tending to animals. I remember my first dogs, Winterhawk and Gandolph.
But there are two incidents that will forever be a basis for MY story.
#1- the night of the incident with the sitter
#2- the day my mother was thrown out of the house
You see, these are my very first true traumatic memories. Mind you I was raised in a farming lifestyle, so even at the age of 4 death was a well-known part of life. There wasn't much that scared me, other than crossing the road from our house to Grams (we lived on Rt 110 before the Tunbridge town line) and a healthy fear of the bull in the pasture. So my definition of traumatic is slightly skewed from what others may view as traumatic.

03/29/2025

Everyone has a story. And every story has highs and lows...but I am here to tell you that YOU define your present and future, not your past traumas. I have been through more hell than a lot (a lot less than some) but I am here trying to keep the world bright.

03/29/2025

So you ever sit back and think about how you could have handled situations in your life differently? I situations back and realize I have every reason/excuse to be a s**tty human but I am not. Wonder why? It's about choices. Stay tuned for some interesting insight!