Video Update - Brainerd, MN

07/04/2022

It’s raining on the 4th of July and you know what that means? Now you can Video Update and Chill® instead of watching a bunch of Republicans kiss babies in the parade!

And if you forget your birth control during your Video Update and Chill® session we’ve got you covered. Now carrying the morning after pill at both our Brainerd AND Baxter locations. Get it before it’s gone!

06/24/2022

Looks like we’re going to have to start doing the back-alley abortions out behind the store again. 8th one is free! Just remember to ask for the punch card.

04/16/2022

This town is really going to hell in a hand basket. Some kids just came in here dressed up like cats and asked if we had a public litter boxand when I said we didn’t they threatened to call the cops and started hissing at me. Then they screamed “we’ll see you in court!” and stormed out.

Is this an Easter related thing or is it just the way it is now? I’ll never understand these kids and their weird lifestyle choices.

Anyway, peeps are half off today! Happy Easter!🐣 🐱

12/24/2021

We have 50 copies of Home Alone 2.

And it doesn’t smell like w**d in here. That much.

11/27/2021

Someone asked if we had the new Taylor Swift short film on VHS. We didn’t but I looked it up on YouTube and now I’m just sitting on the floor behind the checkout counter sobbing, eating stale Twizzlers, and putting warning labels on all of the Jake Gyllenaal movies. WHY DID YOU BREAK HER HEART JAKE?! WHY??!! 😭

Written & Directed by: Taylor SwiftStarring: Sadie Sink, Dylan O’Brien & Taylor SwiftRed (Taylor’s Version) available everywhere now: https://taylor.lnk.to/r...

11/25/2021

Happy Gluttony Day everyone! 🦃

As we enter the Christmas season (because let’s face it: this is Brainerd and there’s only one holiday here - it’s called Secular Christmas) we expect a return to people arguing about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not. So we’re here to set the record straight so you can all stop brawling in the Perkins parking lot.

It’s not. Die mad about it. 🎄

10/28/2021

Halloween is this weekend so it’s time to deck out the store like a haunted house and scare the crap out of your kids! My adult sons will be dressed up like Jason from Halloween and the guy from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. We even got a real chainsaw this year! Thanks Dave!

Stephanie is donating her time and dressing up as Marjorie Taylor Greene. She still owes us a staggering amount of money for keeping the West Wing boxed set for so long. She’ll be screaming incoherently at the kids and taking the candy out of their buckets because they didn’t earn that candy. Instead she’ll be throwing boxes of ammo at them while yelling “get a job freeloaders!” 🧙‍♀️

Make sure to stop by on Sunday! Fun for the whole family and free full size bags of Twizzlers for all! 🎃

10/02/2021

Shoutout to all you badasses braving the weather for the Women’s March today. We see you, and we’ll give you free Twizzlers if you show us your protest sign.

I doubt Rep. Josh Heintzeman will be out there but if you see him tell him I need my copy of “Showgirls” back. I honestly don’t know why he doesn’t just buy his own copy at this point.

09/17/2021

Listens folks, when you don’t return shopping carts to the correct area you aren’t just hurting America; you’re hurting Jesus too. I’m tired of watching Pamida carts roll through the parking lot. Get your s**t together Brainerd!

09/13/2021

Some of you may have read the update from Blockbuster Video earlier today about the word “Brainerdesque.” In a rare moment of solidarity I’ve gone above and beyond to find the picture that will accompany the word in the dictionary.

09/08/2021

And now we sit back and wait for the “likes” to roll in. 😏

Checkmate Blockbuster.

09/08/2021

With the closing of our only competitor, Blockbuster Video, we’ve decided to kick it up a notch and have some big plans in the works for upgrading things around here.

And yeah I know Brainerd Movie Gallery still exists but considering they can’t get their s**t together enough to make their page taggable I don’t consider them much of a threat. Plus, let’s be real, they operate out of a van down by the river.

I want to let our esteemed local lawmakers Josh Heintzeman and Paul Gazelka know that we’re refurbishing the adults only room and have gotten a list of all their favorite titles from the guy at Blockbuster. Which was a sacrifice on my part because I went out on a date with that dude back in the early nineties and he wouldn’t even let me get the fried ice cream at T. Juan’s because he was too fu***ng cheap. And then when the bill came he “forgot his wallet” anyway so needless to say we didn’t hang out much after that.

Point is, you’re going to see a bigger and better Video Update in the coming months and we hope you’ll all get a chance to stop in! I ordered a floor mat shaped like a casket with the Blockbuster logo to put behind the cash register so I can figuratively dance on their grave every day. It’s gonna be awesome.

To those who’ve already asked, no I will not start carrying Red Vines. F**k Red Vines. They’re just a pale imitation of Twizzlers and everyone knows it.

And Stephanie - I’m putting in a new security system so watch your back.

Thanks for everyone’s continued support!!