24/06/2025
HOW I MET MY WIFE: ep1
(jinsi nilivyokutana na mke wangu)
___________________________
This is a story of how i met my wife and not merely how i hit the mom and dota. Natanguliza radhi maana udambwi unaweza chelewa kiasi ila you will not be disappointed ukianza.
Baada ya chuo watu wanakuaga na zile resolutions za maisha, how they want to play their game in life. Kwangu mimi nilianza pia kuwaza kujitegemea zaidi, maana i felt like maisha yangu yote yameamuliwa na mama yangu. She chose shule ya kusoma, nini nisome, chuo gani, course gani, nikae wapi, ninunue nini etc, so hata zile papuchi nlizokua nakula chuo niliona ilikua ni kwa sababu ya support ya my mom. Maana she made me live like a king. I wanted change.
So i returned home and started working in a family company, ila ilikua ni kampuni ambayo utaalamu wangu haukutumika sana and kibaya zaidi my twin sister ndo alikua boss wangu. Nikihitaji hela, inabidi nimpigie magoti sis. Nikamwambia mom, i can't do this, nataka niajiriwe mahala pengine.
Baada ya siku tatu mom ananiambia nenda Dodoma ofisi fulani kuna kazi uliyosomea. Nikawa very excited. Kufika Dom bana, naingia that office nikaelekezwa ofisi ya raslimali watu. Kufika reception ya ofisi nikamuona dada mmoja wa makamo, kavaa sketi wanaziita penseli, ingawa ni ndefu ila inachora umbile lake lilivyo, juu amevaa blouse ya light blue. Nikamsalimia shikamoo, akajibu then nikamuomba kuonana na boss wake ananiambia kaa hapo usubiri, mnyamwezi nikakaa yule dada kaingia ofisi ya ndani. Baada ya nusu saa akaingia binti mwingine mfupi amebeba tray lenye thermos, mayai na slices za mkate. Kaniuliza vipi? Namsubiri boss. Mbona yupo ndani? Ndo nikagundua nilibugi stepu.
Nikazama ndani, samahani nyingi na nini. Shida yako? Nikaulizwa, nikajibu. Vyeti na barua ya maombi ya kazi? Dah hata sikua navyo. Boss kaanza kuwaka pale, nyie mnaotegemea vimemo kwangu hampiti, kalete vyeti uviache kwa secretary, kesho interview, na usidhani uko alone uliyeletwa kwa vimemo. Dah mtihani.
Nikasema ngoja nirudi zangu tu home hapa hakuna kazi. Nikiwa naenda stendi nikakumbuka resolutions zangu za kufight alone. Nikasema hata k**a sio pale ila ntatafuta chochote chakufanya hapa Dom. Cha kwanza nikaamua nikaprint vyeti vyangu from my laptop (hiyo kumbuka ni mwaka 2008), then nikavipeleka ofisini. Then what next, nikachukua room moja ya hotel nzuri pale Dom, nia ni kuwa nitafute manzi mzuri ambaye ntapitisha nae siku. Kuna msimamo mmoja ambao mpaka leo ninao, sichukuagi dem tu ilimradi dem, lazima akidhi vigezo vya ubora niliojiwekea, ambao sio wa kitoto ndugu msomaji. So siku hiyo nimezunguka jioni viwanja kadhaa hasa maeneo ya chuo cha mipango ila sikufanikiwa.
Kesho yake kwenye interview kidogo nijikojolee, maana yule HR ambaye baadae nolimfaham jina anaitwa Boss Rona alikua k**a amenikamia mimi, ananiangalia kwa hasira ananiuliza maswali ya ajabu ajabu basi tu nikaona huyu hanipendi. Majibu yametoka tumepita mimi na dada mmoja anaitwa Lyamuya (jina la ukoo ndo mara nyingi tulikua tunalitumia) what a surprise!!!!!!. Badae Boss Rona akatuita kutupa orientation pale, tukatambulishwa kwa regional manager na wafanyakazi wengine, then akaniita pembeni akaniambia"inawezekana uliletwa Dodoma kwa kimemo, ila kwenye interview umepita kwa uwezo wako, i expect you to help the department utakayokuwepo" nikashukuru Mungu.
Hii ofisi ilikua ni ya Uma, ni shirika la serikali so mishahara inachelewa kweli kuanza kuflow kwa waajiriwa wapya. Kwakuwa niliazimia kujitegemea hela aliyonipa Mom nilitafuta gheto nikalipa, na hata mwezi haukuisha ikakata. Mm ni mtu ninayejipenda, always ntavaa vizuri na ntahakikisha nanukia vizuri, so nikajua nikiomba wafanyakazi wenzangu mkopo watajua nawatania kwa jinsi nilivyo. Boss Rona, ndo sikutaka kabisa kumfuata maana najua hanipendi. Nikamfuata boss mkuu, kaniambia nenda kwa HR duh.
Nikagonga kwa heshima pale ofisi kwake, miguu nimeibana, mikono nimeishika pamoja kwa mbele k**a nanawa. Yaani naingia ofisini ni kuanzia magotini kwenda chini tu ndo kunatembea. Bt one thing i know for sure nlikua nimependeza, kuna hivi vi Sweater vilikua fashion kipindi kile vina vimraba vyeupe na vyeusi kwa mbele, nime roll up the sleeves, a Rolex watch, silver necklace, kodrai nyeusi na raba nyeupe, na Mungu kanipa Sura na kimo. Sema mbele ta HR nlikua nakua k**a mtoto. Baada ya salam, nikamweleza shida yangu, nimeishiwa boss, kaniangaliaaaaa, then nikaanza kuona anaingiwa na huruma machoni, nikahisi huyu atakua na mtoto so anapata ile huruma ya mzazi. Akaniuliza, is everything ok at home? Nikamwambia yeah, bt wanajua nina kazi now so nataka wapumzike. Kaniangalia tena k**a dkk nzima, then nikasikia anamuita secretary, muite mhasibu. Basi akanisaidia kupata advance salary na kitu kinaitwa subsistence allowance.
After that nikajibana matumizi sana, nakumbuka ratiba yangu ilikua nikitoka job, uwanjani kucheza basketball, nikirudi napika, naoga, najisomea mambo mbalimbali then nalala. Weekend nacheza na watoto wa majirani pale, mchana naenda kushinda garage flani hivi ya mshikaji tunacheza nae kikapu jioni tizi au kwenye kijiwe cha saluni ya mshikaji then kupika kulala. The lifestyle made me popular, bt no dem. Pale nilipopanga kuna manzi ambaye hajafika vigezo vyangu alionesha wazi ananitaka bt sikutaka mazoea. Ila kuna mshikaji akanitonya demu wa hivyo hachelewi kukutangazia ww shoga au hudindi, dah. So tunafanyaje? Dawa ni mbili, kumla yeye ili kuzuia rumor kabla haijaanza, au tafuta manzi umle na majirani washuhudie, duh.
Option ya kwanza was out of discussion. Ya pili was more appealing, sema itanibidi nishushe kidogo viwango. Huyu mshikaji aliyekua ananipa hizi option kwao wanaduka na ndo nlipokua naenda kupiga nae stori, sasa mdodo wa k**e ni kisu balaa, sema mfupi halafu ndo kamemaliza form four so bado kadenti ila nikasema mbinu ya bro itabidi itumike kwa hakahaka.
Sikuchelewa hata, next day jioni nikaibuka kwao na msela, nikamkuta kavaa kisinglendi chake, bahati nzuri mdogo wake nae alikuepo dukani, basi jamaa katoka tukawa tumekaa kwa nje, baada ya muda nikasubiri muda hakuna mteja nikamwambia mshkaji ngoja ninunue soda tunywe, nikasimama, jamaa katupa mgongo, nikajidai kuagiza pale huku nimechukua peni nikaandika juu ya gazeti lililokua pale kwenye counter ya duka, nlijua nina a window of only few seconds so sikuandika maneno marefu, "kesho saa tisa uje uchukue zawadi yako kwangu" nikahakikisha ameona, nikachukua soda nikakaa.
Kesho ilikua ni public holiday nakumbuka, so nikakaa kusubiri. Tena sikukaa ndani, nje ili hata majirani wakiwa ndani mwao akifika nifanye juu chini walau mmoja wa majirani ashuhudie mgodi ukizama. Bahati ilikua upande wangu, muda manzi anakuja yule mdada anayenitakaga alikua yupo nje, so wala sikuchelewa. Ingia ndani, nikafunga mlango, kugeuka namuona bado kasimama, nukamfata kwa nyuma kumhug, kakajichomoa eti zawadi yangu ilo wapi? Yaani hawa watoto wa shule ndo maana sipendagi, visumbufu balaa. Nikakaambia nilichelewa kununua ntakununulia tukitoka, eti kakataka kuondoka, k**a zawadi hamna basi ntakuja ikiwa tayari.
Nikaona fedheha inaninyemelea maana yule dada akiona manzi katoka baada ya dkk tano si ndo mtaa mzima utaambiwa mm sio rizki. Nikakaambia nlikua nakutania, ile perfume nilikununulia, bahati nzuri haikua imetumika sana ni k**a imejaa,. Kakafurahi, nikaanza tena mautundu. Kana nistopisha, eti kanauliza, nikikutwa na mwanamke wako? Kidogo nikazabe makofi, nikasema hawa watoto wanahitaji nguvu sometimes. Alikua amevaa suruali flani ya jeans. Yaani ndugu wasomaji, ilinichukua almost one hour kumtoa hiyo suruali, ila sikujuta. Ngozi ya yule binti ilikua very soft, yaani unajua ule usoft mbaka unahisi unaeza muumiza ukimpapasa. Ingawa alikua amelala kifudifudi, pichu nyeusi, kitop cheupe ila mkono wangu haukubanduka kwenye nyama laini za tako lake. Waungwana nlikua na ugwadu wa miezi kadhaa, nilivyoona katulia macho kayafumba, mzee nikapenya. Nimeshughurika nako mpaka mida ya saa 12 hivi kakaondoka, perfume hata hakakukumbuka tena.
Kwa kuwa kalikua jirani sikutaka tena. Kalishaserve the purpose. Nikawa naenda kwa msela maramojamoja nikikakuta kananipa shikamoo yangu, naipokea then napiga stori na mchizi.
Stori nikaanza kuzisikia saluni, eti nasikia unang'oa mdogo wake flani, mi nakanusha. Nikaona hapa mtaani nishachoma nyumba natakiwa kuhama (ushauri kwa mabaharia, usiharibu too close to home). Nikaanza kumuomba Boss Rona anipe makazi kwenye nyumba za shirika. Nilijua kule kila nyumba iko independent so ntakua free. Boss ananikazia tu, ooh, nyumba hakuna ingawa taarifa za kiinteligensia zinasema zipo, oooh subiri kuna walio leta maombi kabla yako, ingawa najua hakukua na mtu anayetaka makazi kule kwa wakati huo. Basi tu nikajua boss anaendeleza roho mbaya yake kwangu.
Boss Rona alikua ni wale wamama wanaojitunza, umri wake ni 37 ila ni k**a ana 27, she was not very beautiful bu she was sexy, and she knew it, maana alijua namna ya kuvaa nguo zinazoonesha assets zake, miguu and hips. Alikua pia anavaa miwani kitu kilichofanya aonekane even more sexier kwangu, bt tuliishia kumsifia tu tukiwa na colleagues hakuna ambaye alishathubutu kumnyemelea. Then one day akaniita ofisini, nimefika sioni cha maana anachoniambia, mwishoni akasema nimekupatia house,............ weweeeeeee weraaaaaaa, nilishangilia nikamfuata bila hata kukusudia nikamhug, ooh thanks boss, God bless you nyingi na nini. Badae kasema, why so desparate kuhama ulipo? Basi sipapendi tu, uswahili mwingi, boss akasuggest tukapatembelee makazi mapya nipaone.
Baada ya kazi kanichukua in her Suzuki hao mpaka quarters. I liked the position, ipo mwanzoni kabisa, mgeni anafika kwangu hakuna anayemuona. Basi kanipa keys tukazama, ananionesha pale utaweka kitanda, hapa uweke meza, sasa zile movement zake zikanifanya niwe namchora vizuri. Najua alinotice macho ya kifisi yanamtamani ila hakusema kitu. Baada ya muda kanirudisha hadi mtaani, nikamwambia karibu ndani. Hakupinga wala nini, anajidai kuvua viatu nikamkataza, yeye anasema hajazoea kuingia ndani na viatu akawa katoa kimoja nikafanikiwa kumzuia asivue cha pili, sasa ile kuzuiana tukajikuta tunagusana gusana, nikamsogeza akakaa kitandani, then nikachukua kiatu kingine nikaanza kumvalisha.
Leo alikua kavaa kigauni ambacho kiunoni kinafungwa belt, nilivyokua pale chini namvalisha akawa kanyoosha mguu ili nikiweke vizuri kiatu, sikuishia kuvalisha kiatu mazee, nikaunyanyua zaidi kidogo mguu wa boss Rona nikawa k**a naumassage, mikono ilivyofika kwenye goti nikaizungusha nyuma ya goti nikaweka lips juu ya goti. Mikono ikawa inamove kwenda ndani zaidi, ikilisogeza gauni pia na kutoa nafasi kwa ulimi wangu utembea na paja kwa juu. Nikaona mwenyewe kalala kitandani, nikaendelea na zoezi langu mguu wa pili, then nikaik**ata pichu nikaivuta magotini,(hua ikifikishwa hapa inashuka yenyewe k**a inajua vile, chupi bana), Rona gauni lipo kiunoni, chupi hana, nik**a mwili unanialika, nikatoa shati, nikafuata mate. Wow. Mpaka leo hua nikisikia wimbo wa Rihanna "whats my name" hasa ile intro ya drake, "i had you girl with them soft lips" namkumbuka Rona.
Those lips were sooooo soft and sweet, kidogo nisahau kuna kitumbua kipo wazi huku chini. Yeye ndo alinikumbusha, maana alianza kufungua mkanda na zipu ili amtoe babu. Alivyofanikiwa akaniweka sawa kati kati yake akaishika mashine mwenyewe kataka kuipenyeza, nikajichomoa, nikapiga magoti nikamgeuza. Kuna watu wamekariri goli la kwanza lazima liwe kifo cha mende. Kwa kweli siku hiyo sikutaka scenario yoyote iingilie kati tamanio langu kuu la kuona tako la boss likitingishika wakati napiga machine. Hata Rona mwenyewe alikua k**a surprized hivi, nikamtenga vizuri, kumbuka mimi bado jeans yangu sijatoa na Rona pia gauni bado lipo usawa wa kiuno, chupi imekwama kwenye kiatu cha mguu mmojawapo (yes mpaka sasa hajavua viatu), kifua chini (sio mikono au viwiko) kiuno juu, ...... yah yah yah yah yah yah (in the voice of yule mzungu alicheza picha ya gods must be crazy). I enjoyed. Chapa sana vibao vya matako huku speed ikiwa speed constant. Gauni lile likitaka kushuka zaidi kifuani nalipandisha inakua k**a kata K, or sometimes naliruhusu liyafunike the inakua k**a ni kinguonguo, yah yah, yah, yah. Huyu sasa sikua na haja ya kusubiri majirani wamuone, they heard her.
That was a start of a relationship that took many years a daughter to break. Hiyo siku isingekua anawatoto home, angelala. Yes, Rona ana watoto watatu, mmoja wa ujanani (alimpata akiwa 18y.o) anaitwa Nora yuko Ifakara girls, wapili ana k**a 8 yrs na wa mwisho ana 4 yrs. The husband yuko dar kikazi pia, wanaonanaga kwa mwezi mara moja.
Over the months, Boss Rona alitokea kunipenda sana, yaani hadi ofisini kwenye vikao akawa akitaka kuwakaripia watu, najikuta nakua upande wa anayekaripiwa basi boss anatulia anaishia kusema next time uwe makini Juma. She tried to remain professional, ila i know she was obsessed with me. She wanted me all the time anywhere, nakumbuka oneday yupo kwenye kikao chao cha management, akanitumia msg, i want you now. Mvua kubwa ilikua inanyesha that day, so nje hakukua na movement za watu, nikapitia kwa secretary wake nikamwambia boss amesema unipe funguo za gari yake, then nikachukua mwamvuli hadi kwenye Suzuki,. Parkimg ilikua nyuma ya majengo ya ofisi zetu. Nlivyofika nikamtumia msg, nipo kwenye gari yako njoo now. Akajibu i cant, we are about to discuss important issues kutoka HQ,. Nikamwambia sijali, i want her now. Nikazima simu.
Nikaona kwa mbali mtu anakuja, nikateremsha kabisa suruali, akaingia kanikuta siti ya nyuma nishamsimamishia mashine, hakuchelewa, akaipanda. Mm nacheza na mapaja, na makalio, yeye ananiymnyonya lips huku anakatikia rungu. Huko nje maji ya mvua yanatiririka kwenye vioo. She screamed when she came and stopped, but hakuchomoa. Akawa ananiangalia tu, ananiambia thanks babe. For what? Kaniambia kwa kutimiza fantasies zangu. Zipi? Kajibu kutiwa kwenye mvua k**a hivi, kutiwa huku nasubiriwa nimetoroka kwenye kikao. Nikacheka. Kuna fantasy nyingine imebaki,. Akacheka pia. Akajichomoa kajifuta fasta anataka kutoka. Nikamsgika mkono, nambie your other fantasy, ... oh, babe, nasubiriwa nimewaambia ninaongea na simu emergency. Nikamuacha bt alivyofungua mlango akatoka, akarudisha kichwa kwene gari akanikiss then akasema, my other fantasy ni kutiwa gerage na fundi magari. Then kasepa. She is crazy, or is she?
Ratiba yetu ikawa ni kila weekdays, tukirudi home, anapitia kwanza kwangu. Uzuri na yy aliishi kule kule quarters za shirika na nyumba yake nikiwa sebuleni kwangu naiona kwa nyuma. So weekends akiamuaga akiwa kwake ananipigia nakuja sebuleni then anatoka nyuma ya nyumba yake anajifunua nione chupi aliyovaa, au anacheza kwa kukata mauno (and she knew how) so ilikua burudani tosha.
Jumamosi moja jioni nikanyatia hadi kwake, nakumbuka mumewe alikuepo, nikaenda hadi anapopaki gari yake nikavunya taa ya indicator. Asubuhi nikawa nafanya zangu jogging nikajidai kugonga kwao,. Akatoka dogo, mwambie mama taa ya gari yake imevunjika, ila awe makini na mafundi feki, k**a yuko tayari nimuelekeze fundi mwaminifu. Nikasepa. Later ananipigia nipeleke kwa huyo fundi. Nikamuelekeza tu mtaa, uzuri akapafahamu.
Boss Rona alifika garage ya yule mshikaji wangu tunayepiga nae kikapu. Mm nishampanga mshkaji. Maana jpili hawafungui na ni garage ambayo mbele ina bonge wa geti. Boss anashangaa mm namfungulia geti aingize gari. Nimevaa overroll ya blue ya yule fundi, imechafuka kwa oil chafu, nimejipaka kidogo pia usoni ni kwenye mkifua wangu uliokubali mazoezi. Nikafunga geti, akashuka anauliza, whats this, leo alivaa shati refu la vifungo, sketi ya mpasuo kwa nyuma. Nikaachana nae, nikaenda kwenye gari, nikafungua box la taa, nikachukua taa mpya ambayo nishainunua nikaanza kuifunga. Ananitazama tu. Nilipomaliza nikamwambia, ready to go boss, kuwa makini sana na hizi taa they are expensive. Akauliza, how much pamoja na ufundi? For a sexy woman like you its free.. eti, "jamani fundi, sema sh ngapi", nikamwambia, unless unataka kunilipa kivingine, ila hela yako sichukui. Kivingine k**a? Nikafungua yale mavifungo ya overroll, nikamtoa babu. Like an obedient soldier, akapiga goti chini, kashika mashine kaiweka mdomoni. Hapo mkononi bado na spana, namgusa nayo kwenye matiti,. Alicheza na mic hadi nkawatoa wareno. She was the first woman to swallow my sperms. Akasimama kaniegemeza ukutani, kaanza kunipa denda huku kanishika mashavu.
Nikaona hii mechi ntapoteza uwanja wa nyumbani. Sikumfungua vishikizo ndugu msomaji, nilivichana, then nikamsogeza nkwenyegari yake nikamshikisha bonet. Sketi nayo nikaona inanichelewesha, nikatafuta ule mpasuo nikashika hukunahuku nikairarua mbaka kiunoni, chupi hii apa (mimi na chupi za k**e ni mabest kinoma, hazijawahi niletea kauzibe) nikaivuta tu ikawa k**a nimeivika kwenye tako la kulia, mzee nikamgusisha madini mwenyewe kasimama. Niliamua hii iwe mechi ya fujo, piga k**a naua nyoka. Akaona sasa anaenda kupoteza, akajichomoq then kanisukuma chini, nikawa k**a nimekaa, mgongo nimergemea ukuta then kaja kwa juu (k**a nilivyosema awali pichu za k**e zinanitii, wala haikutoka ilipo), boss kajipimia, hapo overroll nimevaa mguu mmoja tu, sikumbuki hata muda gani nilivua mguu mmoja. She did me good, huku ananiambia maneno yake pale ya kimahaba mwana nik**aliza. Akaniweka kichwa kwenye manyonyo yake, huku chini naona mashine inasimama ikiwa bado ndani, nikamlaza chini sasa kifo cha mende, sikutaka fujo hapa, slowly. But sio juu chini juu chini, hapana, hii movement ilikua chini, mbele, juu, nyuma, chini, kulia, juu, kushoto, juu, mbele....... slowly. Walah, boss Rona machozi yalimtoka. Tulitiana pale over 3hrs. Baadae ndo tunakuja kugundua Rona hana nguo ya kurudi nayo home maana nilichana sketi, nimechana shati. Uzuri alikua na mtandio, huku juu nikampa tshirt yangu safi akavaa. Shida alikua amechafuka oil everywhere, na mbaya zaidi magoti yake yamechubuka yanatoa dam kiasi. Nikasema huyu leo ndoa yakesidhani k**a itapona.
Mazee nimechoka kuandika. Nitaiendeleza baadae kidogo. Walau mabaharia ma mabebez msome a story of how i met my wife....,Itaendelea....!
Credits: JF & KigaKoyo.
