24/07/2022
“Healing is not becoming the best version of yourself.
Healing is letting the worst version of yourself be loved.” —Kobe Campbell
Personally, one of the reasons why I had struggled so much to love myself unconditionally was because I was afraid of accepting myself.
Like ALL of myself—not only the easy parts of me to love, but also the parts of me that I had shamed into a corner for being “not good enough” or being “too soft” or “not efficient enough” or “too childish” or “not masculine enough” or… you get the point.
I was always existing somewhere between too much or not enough, but never in a state of self-sufficiency.
This is back when I was conflating sufficiency with complacency. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME 🙅🏻♂️
Back when I couldn’t tell the difference between unconditional love and unconditional tolerance. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME 🙅🏻♂️
Back when I didn’t know how to source my own love. I thought I first had to be validated by something (or someone) outside of me for it to count 😂🤯
I laugh now out of genuine compassion for that previous version of myself who would come up with these fanciful stories about all the dramatic quests I first had to go through in life (financial freedom, a happy relationship, career excellence, a legacy in the world, etc.) in order to feel worthy of love & tenderness.
Even now as I type this, I just can't believe how difficult (damn near impossible) I had made it for myself to feel worthy of love (even from my own) 🤯
I genuinely thought that I had to achieve some epic quest in order for any love that I would receive to count.
🫂 The truth is I didn’t have to go anywhere outside of my own body to make space for that love and tenderness to manifest into the world.
🫂 All along it was in the PATIENCE I can show whenever I disappoint myself at my own standards.
🫂 It’s in the COMPASSION I can show whenever I feel betrayed by myself for not doing something I told myself that I would do.
🫂 It’s in the deepening of my relationship with HAVING-YOUR-OWN-BACK-NESS.
🫂 And it’s in trusting that I can always encourage myself to be better without shaming myself into a hole that will take me weeks or months to come out of before I try again.
🫂 It’s in the way I can hold space for myself with the mindfulness tools I’ve gathered whenever I’m feeling gutted and vulnerable.
It was here, within me, all along 🫂🔥
If you’re currently in a place where the worst versions of yourself are showing up, take a deep breath with me. Now exhale twice as long.
It can feel weirdly awkward at first, like maybe you don’t deserve your own love (like, what if you spoil yourself, you know? Nobody likes a spoiled brat 😫😂)
So take it easy. And take your time. YOU GET TO RAISE YOURSELF AT YOUR OWN RHYTHM.
I’m teaching a workshop, “becoming the hug,” on this topic next weekend (July 30 & 31). It’s full of down-to-earth tools you can begin practicing right away to regulate your nervous system and make the space necessary to hold yourself through adversity.
Click here to join us: workshops.theartidote.org/becoming_the_hug
Or shoot me a DM with your questions 🙂
Snuggles,
Jovanny Ferreyra
Empowerment Coach
Founder of The Artidote
artwork by Instagram.com/chrisaustinart
