09/08/2018
WHEN HATE AND LUST COLLIDE
Mabigat ang yabag ni Nikki nang dumating ito. He tensed but didn’t move nor peeked. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t aware of her. He was so attuned to her that he can predict her mood by the sound of her footfalls. The minute she entered the house, his senses automatically zeroed in on her like a homing device.
That’s quite troubling, man! You’re turning into an obsessed sicko!
Why was he having these perverted thoughts? S**t!
He had deliberately avoided bumping into her for months. Mas minabuti niyang huwag nang matulog sa bahay ng mga Aragon kahit na ipinahanda ng mga ito ang dati niyang kuwarto. He volunteered to manage the family’s ranch instead, which was an hour’s ride from the family home. He knew his godfather didn’t have the time to look after its day-to-day operations. The older man’s public obligations and duties kept his schedule full.
So he stayed at the ranch house and spent his free time wrangling cattle and overlooking the estate. Umaalis lang siya doon para umorder ng supplies, magbenta ng stock o di kaya para i-report sa mga Aragon ang financial position ng farm.
He had been successful in avoiding the chit. Kabisado niya ang school schedule nito.
Bakit kaya napaaga ito ng uwi? She shouldn’t be here for another hour or two. Her volleyball practice ran until seven in the evening. He always made sure he was out of the house by the time she gets home.
He didn’t lift his head, pretending to check the ranch ledger when he saw her approaching from the corner of his eye
She stopped at the doorway.
“Why are you here?” she asked, her tone accusatory.
He didn’t reply. Itinuloy pa rin niya ang ginagawa kahit na lumapit ito at tumayo sa harapan ng mesa.
Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her! Paulit-ulit na sabi ng utak niya.
Nagulat na lang siya nang biglang hinila ng dalaga ang ledger na kaniyang sinusulatan.
“What?! You think you’re so great that you can’t even spare me a look, huh?”
She had no idea she was about to poke a lion.
“What is it this time?” mahinahong tanong niya bago ito hinarap.
Their eyes clashed and that was all it took.
Lust hit him so hard he almost groaned out loud. His eyes hungrily devoured the lush loveliness in front of him. His hands curled into fists at his sides as he fought to get his body under control.
It took him a few seconds to do so and that was when he noticed her flushed cheeks and puffy, red eyes. She’d been crying?
“Bakit ka umiyak? Nag-away na naman kayo ni Ninong?” usisa niya.
Her beautiful eyes glinted in anger before she burst into tears.
“Of course. Kasalanan ko na naman lahat! Ako na naman ang masama!”
He felt a sharp twinge of guilt. In the past, her tears didn’t affect him like this. Alam kasi niya ang mga kapilyahan nito and he didn’t condone her childish pranks.
Seeing her upset, made him so upset he wanted to comfort her.
“That’s why I’m asking. I don’t want to jump into conclusions. Anong nangyari? Why the tears?” he asked, this time in a gentler tone.
“Like you care—” she said before turning to leave.
“I do,” he blurted out before he could stop himself.
Whatever brought this about, it must be something major because the Nikki of old would rather jump off the nearest cliff than show her vulnerable side to him. She pretty much kept everything way close to her chest.
The sudden need to ease her suffering was a revelation. And no way was it being brotherly in nature.
She didn’t reply, she just continued to study him warily with those big, sad eyes of hers.
He couldn’t blame her. This scene playing out between them was strange after pretty much ignoring each other’s existence in the past.
He didn’t know why he never allowed a friendship to develop between them. Probably because he himself was acting out during that time, right after his parents died. He was so consumed with guilt and had blamed himself for their demise. Whatever it was that kept him from having an amiable relationship with this girl-woman in front of him, he regretted it now.
“So…you wanna talk about it?” he plied.
Hindi ito agad sumagot. She just continued to regard him as if trying to decide whether to say anything or just storm out of the room like she always did in the past.
“My coach dropped me from the starting lineup. Di na ako ‘yung libero,” she finally confided.
Napakunot ang noo niya. “Paanong nangyari ‘yun? I saw you play and you were the best out there—”
Damn! She wasn’t supposed to know that!
Her eyes grew round with surprise. “Y-You saw me play? Kailan?”
“A few months ago, right after I got back...’yung last tournament na nilabanan ninyo bago mag-summer vacation? That was it. I saw that.”
“What? You were there?! How did you…”
“Your Mom asked me. She was feeling sorry. Naipangako daw kasi niya sa ‘yo na manonood siya ng laban ninyo. Kaso, if you remembered, nagka-trangkaso siya di ba? She mentioned it to me in passing ‘nung pumunta ako dito. I said I’ll watch you play. To represent her or something like that. I cheered for your team on the sidelines. And you guys didn’t disappoint.”
“I have no idea. She never said anything…why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
He gave her a lopsided smile. “I think that’s obvious. I don’t want to spoil your game.”
“Uhm…”
An uncomfortable silence followed as her cheeks reddened.
“So, you want to tell me now why your coach benched you?” he deftly switched the topic.
Lalong namula ang pisngi nito bago napakagat ng labi. The action was so innocent yet so hot that he had to tear his gaze away from her succulent lower lip.
“F-Forget it—” biglang sabi nito bago nagmamadaling tumalikod para iwanan siya.
But he was having none of it.
His hand snaked out and held her wrist firmly but gently as she was about to flee. Truth of the matter was, he was beginning to like talking to her. He was done ignoring her. He couldn’t even if he tried. The only way he could deal with this forbidden fascination for this chit would be to face the ‘problem’. Act brotherly outwardly and all that s**t. Even if it killed him.
“Tell me,” he said softly.
She dropped her head and shook her head.
“I may be able to help,” he continued to urge her to open up.
“It’s stupid. Porke’t hindi lang ako maka-focus lately—” she mumbled.
“Bakit di ka makapag-focus? Nagkatampuhan ba kayo ng Ninong?”
She smiled a sad, humorless smile. “Masyadong busy si Daddy sa pagiging governor ng mga constituents niya. I only see him at dinnertime.”
He felt sorry for her. Alam niyang masalimuot ang relasyon ng mag-ama. He even got caught in the crossfire between his godfather and his headstrong daughter far too many times than he could count. Though things may have mellowed in the past years during his absence, it was obvious that there were still underlying issues between the two that needed to be ironed out.
“You’re having school problems?” sunod niyang tanong.
Somehow his question irritated her. Her expressive eyes went from puppy-eyes-sad to stormy in a split-second. She really was a spit-fire.
“I may not be the genius that you are, Vince, pero I compensate my deficient IQ points by being diligent. I work my butt off for every single grade,” may bahid na inis nitong sabi.
Napabuntong-hininga siya.
“I’m not trying to demean your efforts, Nikki. Don’t be too touchy. I’m not saying you’re not an outstanding student because I know you are,” pagka-klaro niya.
“Well…I was told often enough that I can never measure up to someone like you—”
That statement sobered him up. What?!
“Said who?!” he asked, angry.
Umiwas ito ng tingin. “Dad says it often enough I repeat it in my sleep. Not that it matters—”
He mentally swore. Clearly it greatly affected her or they wouldn’t be having this conversation. Minsan na niyang narinig na ikinumpara siya ng ninong niya sa mga anak nito. Wala siyang ideya na paulit-ulit itong narinig ni Nikki sa mismong ama.
To think she already had a lot of baggage to begin with. Her parents’ complicated marriage was one thing but hearing s**tty comments like this from one’s father could really mess up a kid.
“I’m not your Dad. I told him when I left that it wasn’t right for him to use me as a yardstick to pressure you or Jay,” paglalahad niya.
She gave him another surprised look. “You did?”
Tumango siya. Now everything made sense. It explained why she hated him when he first came to live here. Unlike him who got all the encouragement from his own parents and from people around him, Nikki never got it from her old man. At that point, he got a strong itch to kick his godfather in the ass.
“I never knew—”
She just shrugged it off like it was nothing. “Well…now you do.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“I’m sorry, too…for giving you such a hard time. I know it’s years and years late and all—”
He smiled.
“Think nothing of it. You’re entitled to…you were just a kid then,” sabi niya. Ni sa panaginip ay hindi niya naisip na mangyayari ang eksenang ito. That they were actually communicating without any trace of animosity. And Nikki was apologizing to him and actually meaning it.
“Uhmm…now that we’re at it…I have something to confess…”
His heart banged against his chest while his mind came up with a scenario that both horrified and turned him on. Had she been harboring a secret crush on him over the years? At his current state, he didn’t know if he continue pulling off a passive face. He had to get out of here before this turned into something out of Vladimir Nabokov’s infamous book…
“Nikki—” he began, ready to bolt out of the study.
She cleared her throat, looking mightily embarrassed.
“Natatandaan mo ba ‘yung nangyari ‘dun sa prom mo?”
“Of course. I don’t forget anything, Nikki. I’m cursed with eidetic memory, remember?”
Napakagat ito ng labi. “Oo nga pala,” sabi nito bago muling umiwas ng tingin.
“So what about prom night?”
She visibly squirmed. “I-I…ako ang dahilan bakit ka sinampal at kinalmot ni Karen—” she blurted.
Matagal na niyang alam na si Nikki ang may kagagawan ‘nun. It was all hilarious to him now but on that night, he was so pi**ed at her for negating his plans. He and Karen had been carrying on and heavily fooling around for months before the prom. Thanks to Nikki, he went home not with just a scratch but also with the mother of all blue balls.
“No surprises there. I already know all about that.”
Napalunok ito sa hiya.
“Still…I’m sorry—”
He grinned. Sa isang banda, he ought to thank this tempestuous child-woman. Ilang buwan kasi matapos ang graduation nila ay may pumutok ang balita. Karen got knocked up that night by some random guy.
“I’ll consider it forgiven if you’ll tell me the reason you can’t focus on volleyball,” sabi niya.
Panakaw siyang tinignan nito. “Do I really have to?”
He crossed his arms, trying to muster a stern expression, only to fail. He was enjoying this too much. “Uh-huh.”
She bit her lower lip again and for several seconds gave the impression that she was thinking something through.
“So…?” he urged.
“It’s stupid, really. There was this g-guy, I mean…uhmm…a boy.” She sounded nervous.
Something sharp coursed through his insides. S**t! What’s this?! He was feeling f**kin’ jealous because she was crushing on some bumbling teenager?
“Bakit? May bumastos ba sa ‘yo? Sabihin mo sa ‘kin kung sino—”
She gave him a quelling look. “Ha?! What are you saying? Walang bumabastos sa akin or anything! Hello? My Dad’s the governor and guys would think twice to do anything—”
“Then, what’s this boy’s problem?”
Umiwas na naman ito ng tingin. “I don’t think he likes me that much,” she said softly.
He felt relief hearing this. Good. Sana nga ay hindi interesado kay Nikki ang lalaking ‘yon. He hoped it would stay that way.
“Paano mo naman nasabing ayaw sa ‘yo?” he asked casually.
“Eh, basta!”
“Bakit nga?”
Napatingin ito sa sahig.
“Hindi niya ako pinapansin. Parang wala lang. Like I don’t even exist in his world—”
He grinned, too pleased to even hide it. “Mahina pala ang lalaking ‘yun—”
“I don’t think so. Everyone thinks h-he’s wonderful.”
Not everyone, saisip niya.
“Then he’s full of himself. Or maybe he’s just not into you. Baka iba ang gusto.”
“He’s not gay!”
“O, wala akong sinabing ganyan.”
Her lips twitched.
“Kung ako sa ‘yo, kalimutan mo na lang ang lalaking ‘yun,” payo niya dito.
The idea of her having a boyfriend…parang gusto niyang magwala.
Sheesh.
She didn’t answer. But she gave him a Mona Lisa-like smile before she saw herself from the room.
That night, he tossed and turned on his bed. He finally slept around four in the morning only to dream about a beautiful, foxy teenager in volleyball shorts.
He woke up with a tree trunk between his legs.
Damn it.
©2018 Kat Madrid
