06/11/2024
Goodbye Before Hello
My little November baby, today is the day you were due
And I feel so terribly sad that I couldn’t give life to you
From the moment I knew you existed, I couldn’t wait for this day
But with three simple words, all that excitement was snatched away
I never expected to hear “there’s no heartbeat, I thought everything was perfectly fine
And I was about to get the first glimpse of this 3rd little baby of mine
It’s so painful to relive it but sometimes that’s what I need to do
Because being back in that moment is when I feel closest to you
I carried you for 12 more days before you were taken from me
The tiniest bit of my heart broke that day and that’s how it will always be
I haven’t changed on the outside but on the inside I’m not the same
I wish you’d stayed a bit longer and we could at least have given you a name
You were going to complete the trio and you were going to share the same birth month as me
But for reasons I’ll never know, it just wasn’t meant to be
There are so many others who have lost precious people who physically existed in this world
And I know that I am so very lucky that I already have two little girls
I never got to stroke your hair or see you smile, and yet
In losing you I have learned it’s possible to miss someone you’ve never even met
Since you, we have lost another baby and it’s so hard to understand
When I think of you both I like to imagine you happy and holding each others hand
I wondered so many things about you; would you be a girl or a boy
I couldn’t wait to hold you on my chest and feel that pure elation and joy
Would you look like either of your sisters or would you be a mix of the two
These are things I’ll never know, I just know we’ll always speak of you
We’ll remember you and your younger sibling, who would be due next spring
And we’ll think of our little babies every time we ring a new year in
This is my goodbye to you, my little 3rd and 4th
You’ll always be right here with me, your time was just too short