23/07/2020
Uncle Ebo Whyte Writes ......
37 years ago today at 2pm at St. Luke’s Methodist Church at Abossey-Okai , a clueless 29-year old Ebo got married to Florence and the marriage would have ended,if not for Florence.
I married Florence, when I was still in love with someone else. I did so because I was too naïve to understand that just walking away from a relationship doesn’t mean its done; I underestimated how much the girl meant to me and thought that the great chemistry I had with Florence was enough. After the first three terrific years of the marriage, I discovered that the basis on which I walked out of the previous relationship was false - I had been fed with false information by a trusted source with the intention of killing the relationship to benefit his friend who was also interested in my girl.
I was consumed with the “what-if” monster - What if I had married her instead of Florence? I became resentful , was gradually checking out emotionally and I shut off Florence. As a result, we had frequent arguments. One day, in the middle of one of our arguments my wife looked me in the face and said, “Ebo, you may think that you made a mistake in marrying me but I want you to know that I did not make a mistake in marrying you.”
Her words hit me.
I was sure I had made a mistake but why was I punishing her for my mistake?
After wooing her with reasons to love and trust me, I can’t now and say all the wooing was a mistake. I remembered my wedding vows and realized that I would never be a man, worthy of trust from anyone, until I lived up to the vows I made to my wife.
I was compelled to become the kind of husband she needed and I needed to be. She called out the best in me.
In those words she made herself vulnerable and vulnerability is a powerful tool. I know society teaches us not to show our vulnerability.
To pretend we are not hurt when we are ;
To pretend we are not afraid when we are;
To pretend we are not insecure even when insecurity is making us lose our mind.
So we act tough and strong and deny what we are feeling.
Unlearn all that and learn to show your vulnerability to the right person at the right time, and by that you call forth the best in that person.
So, next time you feel that you are losing your man/woman, don’t act as if you don’t care. Gather the courage to tell him/her, “My dear, I feel that I am losing you and it is killing me.”
If he/ she is a good person, they will respond to your vulnerability with decency and honor.
Happy anniversary Florence. Indeed you bring out the best in me and I love you.💕💕💕
