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Click not Bang, Chipping Norton (2026)

22/10/2025

I'm pleasantly surprised that Click not Bang is still up. I had received notification from Meta that the site violated their advertising standards and would be taken down. I challenged this saying truthfully that Click not Bang's purpose was to supply deactivated, replica and antique guns to theatres and that I was in the kafkaesque position of being taken down without even having been told how I had violated those standards.

For the moment, Click not Bang is still here.😃

22/10/2021

22nd October, 2021
Halyna Hutchins - Resquiat in pace

Yesterday, cinematographer Halyna Hutchins was shot dead on a New Mexico film set with a revolver loaded with blank ammunition. Director Joel Souza was injured in the incident, but has been discharged from hospital. My heart goes out to those involved in the tragedy, not only to Halyna and her loved ones, but to the actor Alec Baldwin, who pulled the trigger.

Blank ammunition discharged at point blank range is lethal. When a cartridge is fired, a small volume of powder is converted into a large volume of gas. This takes place in an extremely small area, the chamber of the gun being fired. The large volume of gas trapped in the chamber generates ultra high pressure. The gas has to escape somehow, and there is only one way for it to go - down the barrel of the gun. Normally, the gas pushes a bullet ahead of it at insanely high velocity. However, even if - in the case of blank ammunition - there is no bullet, the gas still has to escape. It will keep travelling down the barrel, and if the muzzle of the gun is pressed against a human body, it will simply keep going, blasting a hole through the tissue before it.

This is precisely why I always give a full safety brief to the cast and crew of every show where blank ammunition is discharged with one of my guns. The guns in question are all purpose-built for blanks. The barrels are blocked off and in most cases have a vertical vent hole through which the gas escapes. Even so, they are still highly dangerous when fired and can easily take out an eye or damage soft tissue.

Blank ammunition fired at point blank range can maim or even kill. The cast and crew of any show where it is used would do well to remember this.

23/02/2020

Water pistol required...

Yes, a water pistol, and not any old water pistol either. The play it was needed for was a production of Terence Rattigan's final play 'Cause Celebre' which is set in the '30s. It is based on the real-life court case of Alma Rattenbury, and her teenage lover George Stone who were put on trial for the murder of Alma's elderly husband. The director was quite emphatic about what she wanted. Not only did the pistol have to fit the period, it also had to sq**rt water.

A quick search on-line showed that the real McCoy cost northwards of forty quid. Also, the item I looked at was by any definition an exceedingly ancient water pistol and there was no guarantee that it would still sq**rt water. Clearly, some lateral thinking was needed.

Another on-line search revealed that (due to political correctness no doubt) water pistols modelled on real guns were very few and far between in the UK. The only ones that looked vaguely suitable were located the other side of the world in Taiwan. All I can say is thank God I had plenty of time before the curtain went up. A Taiwanese pistol was ordered forthwith.

After that, nothing happened for a number of weeks. The Director phoned me to find out what was happening. This was now turning into an emergency, and to cut a long story short, a vaguely gun like sq**rter was ordered from a UK based source. Three days later, it arrived. In fact, the very day after that, the Taiwanese pistol turned up.

Then came the task of making them look authentic. Mercifully, absolute realism was not required. All that was needed was that they looked reasonably gun-like when held in the hand. A couple of coats of Halfords' finest satin black sorted out the revolting day-glo yellow colour. I then carefully and sparingly dry-brushed both pistols with Humbrol silver enamel paint to make them look die-cast. A little more silver was applied to the edges and protrusions to give the correct used appearance. A final rub-down with a bare thumb completed the effect. The only problem I had was with the triggers. When pulled, the paint came off them off very quickly. However, when held in the hand, they are not visible, so it isn't a problem at all.

Voila! Two (hopefully) convincing die-cast 30s water pistols!

18/05/2019

Part Two: Denix duelling pistols and Schmeisser MP40
My next acquisition filled an important gap in my collection of stage weaponry. A number of plays include duelling pistols in the prop list and one of them – Ibsen’s Hedda Gabler – was looming. A pair of duelling pistols was needed. A glance at the Denix catalogue showed that the Kentucky pistol looked ideal. Even better, the January sales had started. A brace of them were ordered.
A few days later they arrived. When I took them out of their boxes, my heart sank. The pistols I had received didn’t look nearly as good as the pistol in the photo. The stain on the woodwork was far too light and the metalwork had the deep black finish of a modern firearm.
Some refinishing was required. First, the metalwork was removed from the woodwork which was sanded and then re-stained in dark Jacobean Oak. Five coats of finishing oil were applied Two coats of shellac completed the task. The metalwork was faded down with wire wool and the pistols were reassembled ‘Job done’ I thought. I should have known better. After the production, one of the pistols came back with a broken frizzen. (The frizzen is the L-shaped cover which is struck by the flint.) The screw holding it in place had sheered. Some drilling out plus a replacement screw were needed to return it to its original state.
My final Denix acquisition was a German MP40 (Schmeisser) submachine gun which came to me via the manager my shooting club. The Schmeisser is an icon of evil, forever associated with Hitler’s Third Reich. But hey, this thing was there, it was cheap and it would definitely be needed for some future production. I had to have it. When it arrived, I found out why it was so cheap. The foregrips it came with were the same colour as toffee and every bit as fragile. One of them had snapped. An attempt had been made to glue it, but the material from which it was made was 100% glue resistant. Attempts were made to fix it, but nothing worked, not even professional strength superglue.
Without a foregrip, the gun was useless. Fortunately, one came up on e-Bay. Thirty pounds later, it was mine and after three weeks, it arrived. The replacement grip was a robust one-piece item of the correct colour. However, some surgery to the gun was required before it could be fitted. The dummy body locking k**b was cut off and a hole was drilled in its centre and countersunk. Finally, a corresponding hole was drilled in the underside of the weapon. This was then threaded so that the k**b could be bolted back on. (See picture) The result: a totally realistic and (hopefully) actor-proof replica
Denix replicas are cheap and cheerful. In fact, they are so cheap and cheerful that it is difficult to see how they can produce them and still return a profit. As a result, some corners have had to be cut. Safety catches are solid mouldings which do not function. They cannot be field stripped as per the genuine article and they are made from alloy castings which lack the strength of steel. This means that they cannot withstand rough treatment.
However, on the plus side, they are unbelievably good value for money and after a little refinishing they are indistinguishable from the real article when viewed from the auditorium. The actions cycle and the noise made when being cocked is indistinguishable from the noise made by the actual weapon which is terrific for dramatic effect. Although Denix replicas are not actor-proof, a few sensible precautions will reduce breakages to a minimum. Screws and bolts should have thread seal applied to prevent them from working loose and items such as sling swivels, plastic mouldings and magazines should – if possible - be replaced with genuine parts.
If a firearm has to be dropped or otherwise abused on stage, there is no substitute for the real thing. One of my (genuine) Webley revolvers ended up getting dropped twice a day for three months. It survived the ordeal with flying colours. A Denix revolver would have been reduced to its component atoms. However, this was an extreme example of stage abuse.
An idle thought has just come into my head. Next time a weapon is being tested for service by H.M. Forces, samples should be provided to West End theatres. If they are still intact after a season, they should definitely make the short list for acceptance. However, torture testing of weapons falls outside the scope of this particular article.

18/05/2019

Denix Replica weapons
Part 1: Actor-proofing a Denix Lee-Enfield
It used to be so easy. If a gun was needed for a production, you could either use a fully functioning firearm or failing that, deactivated weapons were available at a very reasonable price. Then in 1996, tragedy struck at Dunblaine. The public outrage was understandable and it came as no surprise when draconian new fi****ms legislation was enacted. At a stroke, certain classes of weapon, including pistols, were banned and since then, fi****ms legislation has become progressively tighter.
Although not classed as fi****ms, deactivated weapons have also fallen foul of legislation. Prices have skyrocketed and deactivation specifications have become much tighter. The sad result is that the deactivated firearm of today is longer viable as a stage weapon. If you are part of a small or amateur theatrical company, buying one would hoover up most of the show’s budget and all you would get for your money is a lump of metal that has been welded solid.
A few years ago, I returned from abroad. I rapidly discovered that getting weapons for shows had become a real headache. I managed to touch base with my old fi****ms officer who brought me up to speed with the changes in legislation. Procuring functional or inert fi****ms for shows was going to be an uphill struggle. One night, while desperately surfing the net to see what was available, I came across the Denix website. Denix is a Spanish company that makes replica guns. A quick flick-through showed that their range was extensive, the pictures in their catalogue were impressive and their prices were unbelievably low. This seemed too good to be true. I needed a Lee Enfield for a show. Phone calls were made and a Denix replica was acquired.
At this stage, a few words about the human element are needed. Long experience as a stage manager has shown me that actors and props are a truly lethal combination. Take the simplest prop – a length of four by two for example – and the actor will find some way of messing it up. If the prop is a weapon, the chances of this happening are quadrupled. Ergo, my hard-won theatrical experience told me that the new acquisition had to be made actor-proof.
Firstly, the grub screw that retained the bolt was loctited to prevent it coming loose. The Denix magazine was a solid loose-fitting lump of metal that rattled and threatened to drop out completely. Fortunately, my bits and bobs box yielded a genuine Lee Enfield mag which fitted perfectly. The woodwork was re-stained to match the woodwork on my genuine 1916 vintage Lee-Enfield, the barrel band was tightened and the metalwork was given a light dusting with a handful of fine grade wire wool until it matched the finish of the real rifle. A Lee Enfield sling completed the job, or so I thought…
I should have known better. When the ‘actor-proofed’ replica came back from its first outing, one of the sling swivels had been bent into a weird and wonderful new shape. Now, how on earth do you bu**er up a sling swivel? It’s something I couldn’t manage even if I tried. However, what had been demonstrated was that the Denix parts had to be replaced. Genuine Lee Enfield sling swivels were acquired and fitted.
So far, so good. I can report that the modified Denix Lee Enfield survived a further outing in a production of Journey’s End and stayed in one piece. Even better, another has since been acquired and actor-proofed to the same specification. Joy of joys, it has remained in one piece too.

26/04/2018

"Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste. Well, no actually... I'm a woman."

Over the centuries, many have pondered what the Devil is really like. The traditional image is that of a terrifying fire breathing monster with horns, cloven hooves and a forked tail. Playwright Miranda Barrett clearly doesn't think so. Her Devil, played with a velvety menace by Fiona Smith, is a woman. Witty, urbane, sophisticated, possessed of a truly wicked sense of humour, feminine, sexy even - but still very much the Devil.

Many years ago, crime writer James, played heart-wrenchingly and with an ever-increasing sense of despair, by Neelaksh Sadhoo, had made a deal with a mystery lady who guaranteed him success as an author in return for the inclusion of a certain passage in one of his books. The trouble was that this very shady lady was in fact the Devil. The deal they struck had strings attached and now she has returned to collect. They arrange to meet in a restaurant. This particular devil seems well versed in theology as she is clearly familiar with one of the nastier verses in the Old Testament, Exodus 20:5. "For I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me." It transpires that the Waiter and the other diners in the restaurant had been sold out to the Devil by their forefathers and are now under her control. The pact that James had unwittingly entered was Faustian. Soon, events take a sinister turn and he is faced with a truly horrific choice...

The Open Window was entered for the Roy Purdue Trophy in the 2018 New Plays Festival in Richmond and was shortlisted as one of four plays that would compete in the finals. These were held at the Orange Tree Theatre on Sunday the 18th of March when each play was performed. The competition was a particularly stiff one. The writing for all four entries was pin sharp and all four entries were beautifully performed. However, The Open Window took the trophy and I cannot say that I was surprised. This play was one of those rare pieces that grips you like a vice from the start, doesn't let go and even follows you home. Full credit must be given to Director Stella Gheury de Bray, the cast and crew. With a lesser director and cast, Miranda might not have won. Who knows though, for courtesy of Miranda, they had terrific material to work with.

Listening to some of the feedback afterwards, it transpired that as originally written, the Waiter was able to see and talk to the Devil. I am told that during rehearsal, this was Miranda had a rethink and made some minor alterations to the script. Now only James could see her which meant that this whole nightmarish scenario was being played out in his head. Note for Miranda: Always check what the cast is doing with your work before finalising. This is a win-win situation as any little bumps will be ironed out and a little extra stardust will be added in their place. Note for Stella: This is the best thing I have ever seen you do but then it's much less safe and much more edgy than the more traditional material you usually work with.

I have only one thing to say to Stella and particularly to Miranda . More please!

Click not Bang

22/10/2025

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26/04/2018

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