01/03/2022
Don't underestimate the skills your toddler can do!
This week my poor snake plant has been the focus of Beau's attention. He has been playing trains in the pot, dumping dirt and pulling out pieces of my plant to explore. Even though this is SO frustrating as a busy mama...like who has time for ANOTHER mess, ESPECIALLY when we have a play room full if toys and his sensory table always accessible. BUT I suppose his fascination makes sense 🤔 it is a fixed container with cool textures to explore and this is not very different form what I create in his Trofast bins for play. But what do I do to correct this undesirable form of play???
As a teacher I am trained in using restitution practices in my classroom with my students. It is never too soon to begin these teachings and IMO, the earlier the better as they foster empathy which is a learned skill.
Restitution is based on having the person do what a normal individual might do to correct a situation. How it could apply to sensory play us if a child dumps bin filler or table items on the floor or in a way that you don't consider to be functional play. They would restore the items back to the table where they should be. Restitution helps the individual experience the effort needed to restore the damage and may cause them not to repeat the behavior because of the inconvenience of correcting or rectifying the situation. This may cause the person to realize that time and effort are needed to correct irresponsible action. Combine this with a caring atmoshpere and the person may decide to take responsibility for his/her actions. This makes this form of punishment better than other forms because of the intention to teach appropriate behavior and responsibility for ones actions.
The thing about restitution with toddlers is it is 🐢 SLOW and take a lot of 🙄 PATIENCE but the 💎 REWARD is huge.
So as much as it frustrates me when Beau plays in my plant, I stay positive and create a process where he is responsible to clean up the mess. Not going to lie, it took over 35 min last night and about 20 this morning. BUT he did it. I didn't lose my patience and do it for him. His play table stayed closed until he cleaned it up. Through the process lots of positive reinforcements and even when he wasn't able to sweep it all in the pan I didn't fuss about what he missed but focused on what good he did do. I gave him the chance to struggle a bit with his motor skills and find a way that worked for him. Resist when you can to take over. Teach they can ask for help but that they can do it. He was really proud to clean the mess.
This morning was affirmation that my efforts this week were worth it. Beau demonstrated he has a TRANSFERABLE skill. He learned to clean his mess from table play and is not paying the process to other areas and messes. As I was sipping my tea, Beau once again played trains in the plant. I gave him my best stink eye but remained calm and said to him to go get the brush and the pan (it is located in a cupboard accessible to him). He avoided and ran around and avoided some more but eventually he went and got he pan!
I offered lots of encouraging words so the experience was not negative...not seen as a punishment...this is 🗝 KEY to understanding the way restitution works and how positive interactions can correct negative behaviors. His clean up job wasn't perfect but I did not fuss over the details until he was finished his process and had the majority of the dirt back in the pot. After some praise I tidied up the last bits.
This applies to sensory play. I see mamas in the groups frustrated and giving up on messy sensory play with bin fillers like rice that end up everywhere. With a short term commitment to working through some restitution practices the mess can be greatly reduced, a sense of empathy has its seeds planted, and kids become empowered to solve problems and have a greater self awareness. The fact is if you "don't have time" for that, it will cost you more time in the future and your child is missing out on some key opportunities for social emotional growth.
I'd love to know what restitution looks like for your family. Please comment below what your experiences have been.
