08/18/2024
Hello: You have reached⌠your local broke non profit rescue run by volunteers-yes we are all volunteers at T.F.T.F.
Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that best describes you or your situation:
Press 1: if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away.
Press 2: if you are moving TODAY but knew it 3 months ago and need to immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old dog.
Press 3: if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the same time.
Press 4: if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 5: if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 6: if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY and pick up the dog you no longer want.
Press 7: if you have been feeding and caring for a âstrayâ for the
last three years, you are now moving and suddenly determine itâs not your pet.
Press 8: if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money for your vacation, w**d, manicure/ pedicure or your hair needs a color & cut.
Press 9: if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is active and is going to outlive you, cause you will fall and break a hip & you have ZERO relatives after this happens to help with the dog.
Press 10: if your relative has died and you donât want to care for
their elderly dog because it doesnât fit your lifestyle. Press pound pound if we need to pick up the pet within 4 minutes.
Press 11: if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because
it is declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility that the catâs behavior is altered because of BEING DECLAWED so it doesnât wreck your furniture.
Press 12: if your two-year old male dog is marking all over your house but you just havenât gotten around to having him neutered or had the time to properly train your pet.
Press 13: if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.
Press 14: if you are calling at 5 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work.
Press 15: if you left us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact, better than just leaving the dog on the side of a road to die. Thanks for this very sad message you left.
Press 16: if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your dog that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our responsibility.
Press 17: if you are going to threaten ME to take your ten-year old dog to be euthanized because we can't take it because 55 others are in line ahead of you.
Press 18: if youâre going to get angry because the volunteers had the audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in care of a trusted volunteer who is not authorized to take your personal pet.
Press 19: if you want one of our PERFECTLY trained, hypoallergenic, under 9 pound female dogs that are housebroken, kid and cat friendly purebred that we have an abundance of.
Press 20: if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighborâs cats. Itâs NOT your dogâs fault, itâs on you!
Press 21: if you have already called once and been told we donât take personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time with a different answer.
Press 22: if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to
board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.
Press 23: if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up- oh and it needs to never bark or never p*e in the house
Press 24: if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby bunny for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.
Press 25: if you want us to take your female dog who has already had ten litters, but we canât spay her because she is pregnant again and it is against your religion.
Press 26: if youâre lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands.
Press 27: if you have done âeverythingâ to housebreak your dog and have had no success but you donât want to crate the dog because it is cruel, you also refuse to gate the dog into a secure area like a kitchen or nook.
Press 28: if you didnât listen to the message asking for an evening phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also working and you are angry because no one called you back.
Press 29: if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is your daughterâs birthday and you forgot when she was born and 2 months later you want to surrender the puppy.
Press 30: if your dogâs coat doesnât match your new furniture and you need a different color or breed.
Press 31: if your new f$&k buddy doesnât like your dog and you are too stupid to get rid of the new f&$k buddy (who will dump you in the next month anyway) instead of the dog who is loyal to you.
Press 32: if you went through all these âoptionsâ and didnât hear
enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while the vet mercifully frees him from the grief of missing his family. All because youâre an IDIOT! Please donât get pets if you canât commit to them.
Think!
