Sludgemachine

31/03/2026

It would seem I have an uncanny ability to compound my most serious problems into something a million times worse. Just by overthinking and trying to explain my position. As if anybody cares or if anything matters.

Yet they tell people to talk about their problems and yet here I go again. Oh the irony.

For me atleast. It is best to keep my mouth shut and mind deeper on myself and own affairs.

It is clear I will always be misunderstood and a mere novelty to the vast majority.

I will endure and survive as best I can. This simply tests me further.

Hell I'm surprised everyday I have survived all that I have.

I have the most blessed cursed life.

This morning in the park. I ran for my life in yet another potentially dangerous near encounter with a group of men in the lurking in the darkness. Then just an hour or so later was nearly cleaned up by a negligent driver speeding through a red light.

Bless my beautiful life.
Even in the darkness of this solitary despair.

It's time to shed some of this old skin. Burn away and be reborn again.

30/03/2026

With my mum and some friends and family so far away now. It seems necessary to try and go for my license again.

I have been driving in paddocks since I was fifteen and by all rights really should've got my license very early on. But I let it failed mostly on presentation and ego rather than skill. Twice.

So jaded. I let it lapse and moved to the city where the need was less with everything so easily accessible.

It wasn't until I tried to get into film and even a basic entry runners position required a license. Given my past experience I was often still hired for things. But it made me aware at how much I had hindered myself.

In many ways I'm glad the young wreckless me didn't get a license. But now I need to build my confidence once again. Which is hard when I'm so old and there are so many youngsters out there killin' it.

This was my second recent lesson. Hadn't driven in months prior to this. Drove myself all the way down to the beach and back into the busy inner west.

I feel there is so much more to go. But it's steps in the right direction once again.

Wearing my Elizabeth Burton shirt. From a play about herself that I am honoured to say I helped work on and was lucky enough to see for free.

So blessed to have so much divine energy on my side. Even when I am feeling lost and alone.
But really who isn't deep down?

23/03/2026

22/03/2026

Life is all about symbiosis. Trying ones best to live amongst each other and within the world as a whole.

I am more than aware of this requirement for peace and survival.

In life we all wear different masks and play different roles to others. The roles often change once betrayal or true intention is felt.

It is true. I have assumed the role of the devil to others at times. My past is far from perfect. I am not proud of my some of my actions. But I have always only ever reacted out of protection of my life or necessity when I have felt literally attacked or backed into a corner.

If I have made some wrong doing I always take accountability and look to rectify it.

The moment someone begins to villify my character and action under the guise of protection for the community is the minute I lose any trust or faith.

I had began seeing a girl who was twenty and currently in all manner of duress. Her friends which I thought were also mine. Didn't approve of my age or her situation and said my affections for her were predatory.

Instead of reasoning. I was instead met with threats and intimidation and was told to stay away and seek professional help for my perceived misdeeds. Despite the lovely ladies desire to continue seeing me.

I followed the advise I was given because I was a tad confused by the level of anger and what felt like even jealousy and genuine malice.

All trained professionals and everyone else I asked all agreed that this person was projecting some past trauma into the situation and was trying to control everything and everyone.

I am forcing myself to believe that they have the best intentions for at very least my lady friend and believe they are doing some right and just thing. By keeping us apart and I would imagine now beginning to smear my name.

It does give me a great concern for how out of touch this person is from reality. To have turned on me so quickly and so cruelly. Or if they have some darker more nefarious agenda.

Either way they are dangerous and these are some precarious times ahead with what I was already juggling and needing to deal with.

What's worst of all. I abhor needless drama and bu****it. Oh what fun!

19/03/2026

Yesterday despite my foul mood and keen desire to curl into a ball.

I kept my commitment with my godmother/cousin to go see the Ron Muek exhibition at the national art gallery and was moved profoundly.

The nuturing ability of positive female energy and the healing ability of art to release the deeper psychology of the mind and life.

We met up with two of my godmothers friends one of whom was a member and paid for us all. Which made me feel very spoilt.

I got into the exhibition and as usual was sucked into my own world and pace as I roamed and viewed the works.

It was all very cool and interesting but what I found most fascinating was the dogs.

The room as I entered was completely free of patrons and I was alone to take in the enormity of it all.

It felt like being a child again around something dangerous and unpredictable.

As I was trying to take a selfie. A cool young fellow came in and offered to be my photographer. His handle is and his band is . Keen to hang out more sometime.

I doubled back through the exhibit a bit but felt compelled to go back to the dogs as it had been the one to have affected me the deepest. As I perused around and took more photos I began a brief dicussion with an older woman in a striking top.

I began to recant how it had brought back the memory and trauma of my youth.

At age five I was being babysat and was teasing a caged rockweiler with the other five year old who's family owned the dog.

The dog escaped shortly after and the other boy and I quickly fled the impending danger. My tiny three year old brother who could barely walk turned, saw. Stood to run and was severely pounced on and attacked.

He miraculously survived the ordeal. Which is his first memory as well as being a very real source on animosity between us in our youth.

I began to tear up as I shared about my feelings of guilt and hopelessness to the situation.

She said I had a good heart that needed protecting and gave me a lovely hug.
It was such a sweet and genuine encounter and showed the true ability for art to move and to bring one another together

I will guard this heart as best I can for as long as I can

19/03/2026

The Goddess of the Moon.

A work I began last night in my sleep depraved fervour.

Blessed be the almighty goddess of the moon and my heart.

12/03/2026

I was saying to my psychologist recently how I firmly believe it should be part of training to be a man.

That he should be subjected to be go around in public dressed as a woman for a few weeks. At around the age of about twenty. So that he may know and understand more fully the plights of women and trans people.

Then perhaps there would be a great change in the world ever after.

But the truth is most men are too scared to ever know or even attempt to find out!

So tell me who the weaker s*x is?

08/03/2026

I missed the day in posting this.

But blessed be all the beautiful women in my life. Who are so divine and sacred. Who have nurtured my soul and brought joy to my heart just from their very existence.

I don't actually believe there is any real need for a mans day. As he has the privledge of women in the world everyday as his reward. They are soft and delicate and need to be pampered and allowed to feel special from time to time.

Also I doubt most men would give a s**t about a mans day unless they were inclined to try and exploit or abuse such an occassion anyway.

I'm not saying we are all bad by any means. But there are just so many s**tty men out there. Kind of brings the whole bar down for everyone.

03/03/2026

There seems to be a remarkable difference in behaviour from some people in the park in regard to late night or early morning.

I have been trying to increase my step count and so have been taking more walks in the park at night.

First night I had headphones on and was suprised by a guy all in black that came into my peripherals some five metres or so away from me. I stopped and watched as he proceeded up the way I had intended to go. I decided to change course and go the direction that he had came.

Some twenty metres or so down the path I turn to see that he is now following. I see a fork in the path leading more toward home and take it.  They also follow down the same path. Pretty freaked by this point I make my way out of the park.

Night two. I decide to go even more minimal and leave my headphones and even shoes at home. But still with a little clutch for my phone and keys. Mostly so I can keep tabs on my step count.

I have a lovely walk around the park which is more full than usual as people are out enjoying the wonder that is the solar eclipse.

I slow it down and go for a stretch on my favourite park toys. Was chilling there for some considerable time. Stretching, laying around watching the moon and night sky.

Toward the road I notice two people slip under a pagoda some two hundred metres or so away. I first thought it must be some couple looking for a place to chill with one another.

I continue my stretching. But am now consious of the people near by and remain observant.

Some ten or fifteen minutes pass and the people begin to make there way into the light and coming toward my direction.

It looked to be two sizable men most likely of polynesian descent heading my way and dressed like eshays.
Immediately aware to the impending danger I grabbed my stuff and legged it across the field and up into the trees. Along to a more well lit and populated part of the park as I made my journey out.

To be continued ...

P.S Photos and footage are of my baby brothers pet spider.

12/02/2026

I am honoured to announce that I will be showing work at 'The Sacred and Profane' - A group art show soirèe on the 21st of February in Newtown from 6pm until midnight. At 269 Denison St. All welcome 

 With any luck I'll be selling some of the pieces to sustain my need to create and survive in general. But mostly I'm just excited to be allowed to contribute at such a cool event. 

If you're able please try and get down to check it out and support local creatives doing what they love.

Thanks all, love you lots!

08/02/2026

Some necromancy was required to revive us all from a long break. But we came back hard and had a blast at prac the other day.

It gives me so much to be a part of something far beyond myself. An outlet for frustration and ideas, a family, a community. An additional reason to live. As stressful as I may find it all sometimes.
It is certain that I love it.

Cheers and all of you other legends that support us too.

You're all awesome and I can't thank you enough.

May be another gig coming up soon. Who knows, stay tuned.

29/01/2026

That old familiar feeling of having your patella slip and dislocate from its correct position on my femur. As I was caught in the pit between two opposing forces. One driving my top half one way and my lower another.

Thankfully as I hit the deck it fell back into place and people scooped me back up swiftly. I immediately got myself out of there staggeredly.

Honestly I couldn't even say for certain what song it was during because my brain kicked into basic survival mode even more than it already was.

I got some ice from the bar and sidelined myself the rest of the gig. It was a little gutting. But was still a fun gig.

Every band was bringing their A game. Though I would say I still enjoyed both the Soulfly gig at the metro some ten years ago and the Cavalera Conspiricy show more. But that may have been because I survived those gigs without any real injury.

Still a great night full of lots of familiar faces!