08/12/2026
Hi, my name is HoneybeeHeather.
It’s been 0 days since I bought hive equipment.
Just a few more supers, a swarm trap or two, 1,000 deep frames, and 12 flats of bee balm. Nothing crazy.
That’s what addicts say.
I told myself, "I'm just a casual backyard hobbyist." That was many apiary expansions ago.
Now, my brain has been entirely hijacked by Apis mellifera. I am constantly thinking bee. Preparing for bees. Working for the bees. 🐝
No conversation is normal anymore. It starts innocently: "How’s the weather?" And within 45 seconds, I'm passionately explaining queen cells, royal jelly, and the geometry of honeycomb cells to an innocent stranger at the grocery store who just asked me where the sugar might be. I will talk bees with ANYONE. The mail carrier, the person standing behind me in line at the DMV—no one is safe.
I am also physically incapable of leaving the house without an emotional support tool. I have a mini hive tool in my purse and a flat stainless steel tool in my pocket. I have a hive tool on my kitchen counter, two on top of the dryer, a spare under my truck seat, and I'm pretty sure there's one under my couch cushion.
When I’m driving down the highway, I'm constantly scanning the tree canopy for swarms. That's not driving—that's "swarm hunting at 65 MPH." 🐝
I have an elbow-long list of people who don't think I'm crazy. Granted, 98% of them are fellow beekeepers whose perception of reality is warped, and the other 2% are neighbors I pay off with 8-ounce jars of raw spring honey.
My neighbor is currently staring over my fence wondering why my lawn has been replaced by a dense jungle of mint and milkweed. Meanwhile, my family is in the driveway holding an intervention because it looks like a garden overflow lot and they have nowhere to park their cars.
The first step is admitting you have a problem. The second step is putting up more Hexagon Suncatchers anyway because they’re amazing sun indicators for good bee weather, and let's be honest, the rainbows are pure joy! 🌈✨🐝
Please come buy some honey. 🍯
I need to prove to my accountant that this is technically a business. 😂