ME Myself and I

07/05/2024

01/04/2023

i don't have much privilege to stand on my own.
I am more certain that I am the kind that usually depend on certain beliefs and people.
Those are the things that drive me through certain motivation to continue.
Weak or strong? Neither.

Maybe I should step forward little by little
Step out from the safe zone I created by myself
Set my mind that- how hard it maybe,
trying will be the only answer to many what ifs that I have.

I came along with the situation that I thought I will be facing it alone
Realizing, it was the truth all along.

Eventually I will be facing all of these alone.
People don't care, they just sympathized.

I don't know who's sincere, anymore
I just don't know where do I belong.

Family, friends, classmates or acquaintance?
I don't know.

I just know that I have to set my mind that-

that trying will be the only reason behind all of my what ifs.

Molding this mind to when it will be-
telling my heart, the sooner the better.

17/03/2023

Couple of realizations with a touch of doubt, fear and agonizing.

I am doubtful on my own capabilities.
Thanks to those people who always believes in me, somehow I cope up and continue moving.

I have full of fears in everything. Because of doubts and fears, I somehow ask my self, where would this path leads me?
I wasn't really able to believe on my own, but somehow I can able to continue moving.

I agonize a lot. Thinking all the what ifs and all the maybes I could have done. Memories filled me with details I should have taken first. Reminders that I always remember, it just that I was not really on my mind.

And got lot of realizations that I wasn't here if I don't have a purpose. This stage made me realize what really is the point of being so independent and realizing the importance of life.

Past events taught me to appreciate my parents- no matter what the lapses they have in our life. Circumstances taught me to move forward even with the hardest situations believing that my everyday is not always the same.

My life was not a straight path that full of good things nor challenges.
It's more like a roller coaster ride which have multiple obstacles- some cause me so much fun, some puts me in horror and some just puts me in calm.

Never doubt your own capabilities.
As long as you are able to do it, just do it. Life is a continuous process of failure, success and challenges.

Just don't ever stop for the ride of life will leads you to a more meaningful destinations.

19/11/2022

One day we're in the verge of low key happiness.
Just you and me against the world.
You are once my home,
'Tahanan' that I'm longing to go on.

Once again, I saw you happy with another woman
As maybe you saw me happy with someone else- again.
Know that I was always sincere
I was doubtful but I've been sincere
I thought we'll be going to make it through.
And I apologize for I couldn't make it again.

With all our hesitations, finally we saw someone who loves us without any doubt.
Finally, we can say that we are not gambling anymore for we are finally loving unconditionally.

I am brave enough to be happy for your own kind of happiness.

Finally, I got to say that this woman is the best for you. She's not the typical type of women you have been dating before.

She's way different and I hope you take care of her.

I'm happy ❤

19/10/2021

treat everyone around you like a blessing ❤
no matter how they treated you will make you who you meant to be
they will mold you and carved you
as the strongest version of yourself
stop agonizing and just continue take positive resemblance to everything happens around you
Choosing to process positive inputs to your mind
will help you greater than taking it in negative way.
we slip, we commit mistake
but we can change and we can improve as well.

no man is an island, we all rely to each and everyone to be able to improve and grow.

10/09/2021

Sorry I'm useless.

15/08/2021

I fell in love again.
I want it to last like forever.
But we both struggle
Understanding each other.
No one wants to stay leveled
Both wanted to go upward
But at the same time I was crumpled
I just wish I could keep him with me forever.
I just love that guy
With no particular reason
I just love him with all of his flaws

This thing gets me anxious
Want to stay sane
But he keeps me wonder
How could my life be
When it happens
The thing that makes me anxious.
Its so sure
I'm not the same person anymore
I would rather be silent in pain
And wont talk anymore.

16/06/2021

Every day i got to ask myself if I already livin my life?

That feeling that mt parents let me live my life. They just always let me to do things but to make sure that I wont ask finances to them. And here I am still relying to my parents but I already making my own pennies out of my being so nice doing school works of other students.

Im living thos way for like 2 years now and I am satisfied however I know this is not enough. I could go further and help my famiky to the higher level than what I could do now.

Just one day, gonna make it through.
I could provide for all of u without compromising my own self. 💖