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21/09/2014

Oya laugh small jare This is the story a 'very wicked' friend posted: Oya make all the designers Enjoyyy! the
Total laughss... !!

I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a policeman, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it.
(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving...
Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.

Policeman: (Shaking)
Ah! You carry dog?

Me: (I bone face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense?

Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable)
Na where una dey come from?

Me: From hospital.

Policeman: Ehen! you sick?

Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.

Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now)
Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?

Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.

Policeman: The dog know you?

Me: Yes nah, no be my dog?

Policeman: (Sweating)
This your door, how you dey open am?

Me: How you take enter?

Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman's left ear).

Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anythin from you.

Me: How much you go pay me?

Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N1,000 dey wit me.

Me: You neva ready.
(I looked back at the dog).

Policeman: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N2,000. The oda N1,000 na my wife own, but I go give you join.
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be......g, Oga, sorry. Take the N2,000 make you open the door plssssssse!

Me: Oya, bring am. (I collected the N2,000 & allowed him out of the car)
Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!
=)) LWKMD

19/09/2014

A white man walked into a mall and was approached by an eager attendant named Akpos.
AKPOS: Good day sir, as you can see, we have anything you would probably want; ranging from electronics to the finest kitchen utensils in their best quality, all for a very affordable price of course. May I first interest you with our finest furnitures?
WHITE-MAN: Hmm, no.
AKPOS: How about our new arrivals on textile materials, exclusively ordered from Dubai?
WHITE-MAN: Thanks, but no.
AKPOS: (unwilling to give up) How about our latest electronic gadgets, exclusively imported from Japan for an affordable price!
WHITE-MAN: (seemingly impressed with Akpos' zeal to sell goods) No, but I must say, I really like your spirit!
AKPOS; Is that all sir? This spirit was exclusively ordered from china, the price is N5,000 sir, but prices here are negotiable, so if the price seems to high, you can tell me how much you will like to offer for it and if your offer is above N4,000, you are eligible to a 10% discount at the cashier.

19/09/2014

Flat Belly
A little boy walks into his parents'
room to see his Mom on top of his
Dad bouncing up and down. The
mother sees her son and quickly
dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his
mom and asks, "What were you and
Dad
doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know
your dad has a big belly and sometimes I have to get on top of it
and help flatten it." "You're wasting
your time," said the boy. "Why is that?"
the mom asked puzzled. "Well when
you go shopping the lady next door
comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.

19/09/2014

A female teacher was having a
problem with
Akpos in her class of 3rd grade.
Akpos said ‘M’am, I should be in 4th
grade, i’m
smarter than my sister & she’s in
the 4th grade’.
The M’am {Teacher} had heard
enough of his
complaints & took Akpos to the
Principal’s
office.
She explained everything to the
Principal who
decided 2 test Akpos with some
questions that a
4th grade pupil should know.
Principal: What’s 3 + 3?
Akpos: 6
Principal: 6 + 6?
Akpos: 12
& so on..
The Principal asked the boy many
questions &
Akpos got them right.
The Principal then asked M’am 2
send Akpos to
4th grade.
M’am decided to ask some more
questions &
the Principal agreed.
M’am: What does a cow have 4 of,
that I’ve only
2 of?
Akpos: Legs
M’am: What’s in your pants that you
have but I
don’t have?
Akpos: Pockets
M’am: What starts with a C & ends
with T, is
hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin
whitish
liquid?
Akpos: Coconut
M’am: What goes in hard & pink
then comes out
soft & sticky?
The principal’s eyes open really
wide, but b4 he
could stop the answer, the boy was
taking
charge.
Akpos: Bubble Gum
M’am: You stick your poles inside
me. You tie
me down to get me up, I get wet
before you do.
What am
I?
Akpos: Tent
The principal was looking restless
M’am: A finger goes in me. You
fiddle with me
when u’re bored.
The best man always has me 1st n
what am I?
Akpos: Wedding Ring
M’am: I come in many sizes. When
I’m not well,
I drip. When u blow me, you feel
good?
Akpos: Nose
M’am: I’ve a stiff shaft. My tip
penetrates, I
come with a quiver
Akpos: Arrow
M’am: What starts with ‘F’ & ends
with a ‘K’ & if
you don’t get it, you have to use
your hand?
Akpos:Fork
M’am: What’s it that all men have,
it’s longer in
some men than others, the Pope
doesn’t use his
& a man gives it to his wife after
marriage?
Akpos: Surname
M’am: What part of the man has no
bone, but
has muscles with a lot of veins like
pumpin & is
responsible for making love?
Akpos: Heart
The principal heaved a sigh of relief
& told the
teacher, ‘Send Akpos 2 University, I
got the last
10 questions wrong myself!

12/09/2014

After writing the most awful
exam in his life, Akpors offered
his Professor a deal to save his
grades:
“If you can answer just one
question, I will accept my final
marks, if you can’t, you have to
give me an ‘A’.”
The Professor agreed.
Akpors asked: “What is legal but
not logical, logical but not legal
and neither legal nor logical?”
The Professor thought about it for
hours and pondered but found no
answer. He finally had to give up
as he really did not know and he
gave Akpors an “A”.
The following day, professor
asked same question to his
students.
He was shocked when all of them
raised their hands. He picked one
of them.
The student answered: “Sir, you
are 65, married to 28-year-old
woman, this is legal, but not
logical.
“Your wife is having an affair with
a 23-year-old boy, this is logical
but not legal.
“Your wife’s boyfriend has failed
in his exam and yet you have
given him an “A”, this is neither
logical nor legal.”
The professor fainted!

12/09/2014

A lady was in need of a house
boy, Papa Akpors had gotten fed
up of Akpors’ wahala that he
decided to offer up his son. The
lady said to Papa Akpors: I need
someone who will be obedient
and not pry into my business or
talk about whatever I do in my
house, I also need him to be
smart, does your son have these
qualities? Papa Akpors: Oh yea,
Akpors is a sharp boy, just test
him.
Then the lady said to Akpors,
“young man, how do i look?”
Akpors looked at her well and
replied: “you look like a
prostitute”. The lady turned to his
father and said “I can’t take such a
rude boy”. The father pleaded
with her to wait a little, he took
Akpors to the back of the house
and gave him 10 strokes of can,
then he said to him: “insult that
lady one more time and i will give
you 10 more strokes of the cane.
He took Akpors back to the lady
and said “please madam ask him
another question.
Lady: If i come home with a man,
who is he?
Akpors: Your husband.
Lady: 2 men?
Akpors: Your husband and his
brother.
Lady: 3 men?
Akpors: Your husband, his brother
and your brother.
Lady: 4 men?
Akpors: (turns to his father) Papa,
abeg, bring your cane and give
me 20 more strokes, I already told
you, this woman is a PR******TE
oh!

12/09/2014

Akpors chatting with his
Girlfriend:
Girlfriend: Hi Akpors: How are u?
Girlfriend: I’m not alright.
Akpors: Ooh, you know i love
you…what is the problem?
Girlfriend: Please, can you send
me just 10k.
Akpors: For what?
Girlfriend: I want to use it to buy
some clothes and bags.
Akpors: Hmmmm, that’s my girl.
Take it…K,K,K,K,K,K,K,K,K & K.
Please confirm that the ‘Ks’ are up
to 10, or do you want More?

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