12/01/2022
of
***
"No worries. Take care of yourself. Congrats on your baby, again." I scratch that last bit because there's really no need. You should just go back to the rock where you've been hiding! When I thought you were dead and gone and was free from the bo***ge of loving you.
Except, I now realise that I wasn't free. I thought I'd been free, but it was only as the magnet outside of your magnetic pull. But as long as you're alive, and as long as there's something in me that craves you, I am not free of you. I only enjoy temporary relief brought about by sufficient distance!
Right there and then, I think I need to block you. Take the control. Cut you off as you once did with me. Why should I suffer, when you do not even feel the same way towards me? Why should I endure this torment, just with the small hope that you may, once in a while, give me the pleasure of your attention?
"I like your new hairstyle, by the way."
Wow! Where did that come from?! So, I see you have been checking out my page too. Now, I'm glad I uploaded those pictures...
"Thanks :)" I reply, smiling.
"You should come out now and then. Everyone says you're scarce these days..."
Everyone? Who's everyone? Who have you been talking to? Does this mean, you still think - and ask - and talk about me?
"Just been busy on my hustle... But I do go out sometimes."
"Cool... Well, maybe I'll see you one of these days."
"Yeah... Maybe."
"We're doing my baby's dedication next Sunday. At Church and then at my house. If you're free, stop over."
"Okay :) Thanks for the invite. Congrats again!"
"Thanks :)!"
But I know I won't. I can't. I shouldn't! God, please give me grace!
I pull out the poem I wrote for you a couple of months ago and read it again. And I know, I can never let you or anyone see this!