20/08/2026
SKINTFLATION... THE GOVERNMENT EDITION 😒💷
Now then...
Apparently inflation's under control.
Wages are improving.
The economy's recovering.
Everything's heading in the right direction.
That's what they keep telling us anyway.
Which is strange, because the rest of us are walking around Yorkshire wondering which bloody planet they're talking about.
Let's start with petrol.
Every time I fill the car up, I stand there staring at the pump like I've just received a terminal diagnosis.
Oil goes up.
Petrol goes up.
Oil comes down.
Petrol stays up.
A squirrel sneezes in Saudi Arabia...
Petrol goes up.
Somebody farts near an oil tanker...
Petrol goes up.
At this point I'm convinced fuel prices are determined by a bloke in a dark room throwing darts at a board and shouting "That'll do."
Then there's the school holidays.
Six weeks.
SIX.
WEEKS.
Who signed that off?
Because it certainly wasn't somebody who had to pay for it.
The kids are bored after three days.
You're skint after four.
By week two you've visited every park, farm, beach, museum and soft play centre within fifty miles.
By week three you're googling whether child labour is still frowned upon.
By week four you're checking boarding school prices and wondering if they'll take trade-ins.
And every day costs a fortune.
You can't just nip out anymore.
A family day out now requires a spreadsheet, a risk assessment and approval from the Bank of England.
Then comes September.
Or as parents call it...
Financial Recovery Prevention Month.
School uniforms.
Now there's a scam that's somehow become completely normal.
A plain jumper?
£8.
Put a school logo on it?
£37.50.
Apparently that tiny embroidered badge is stitched together using unicorn hair and tears from the Treasury.
And every year they tell you:
"Buy it slightly bigger. They'll grow into it."
Will they bo****ks.
They'll lose it.
That's what they'll do.
You buy one jumper.
Gone.
Buy another.
Gone.
Buy a third.
Gone.
By the end of the first month you've bought enough replacement uniforms to open your own bloody school.
Every conversation is the same.
"Where's your blazer?"
"Dunno."
"Where's your PE kit?"
"Dunno."
"Where's your jumper?"
"Dunno."
Amazing.
If I lost things at that rate I'd be wandering round Keighley stark bo***ck naked by Christmas carrying my car keys in my mouth.
And while all this is happening, what's the Government's answer?
"We're reviewing the situation."
"We're consulting."
"We're investing."
"We're monitoring."
Fantastic.
I've got news for you.
Nobody can pay for petrol with a consultation.
Nobody can buy uniforms with a review.
And nobody's putting food on the table with an investment announcement.
The reality is simple.
Most middle-aged folk are now spending their lives moving money from one account to another whilst muttering:
"How the hell's that gone up again?"
So if anyone needs me, I'll be at the petrol station, wearing my kid's fourth replacement school jumper, searching the lost property box for the £200 worth of uniform we've donated this year already
And if the Government wants to know how ordinary people are doing...
Try filling a family car up, buying school uniforms and doing a weekly food shop in the same week.
That'll tell you everything you need to know.
😒🍺
Mr Grumpy
Still waiting for something, anything, to get cheaper... apart from politicians' promises.
